25 December 2007

i'm dreaming of a white christmas

for the first time in (how many??) years, it's snowing on christmas day.

it's going to be a good year.

smells like wet dog, redux

a christmas story to share, not that you haven't heard enough of christmas. . .

my 7-year-old came home from school on the day before christmas break with magic reindeer food--a mixture of oatmeal and glitter, compliments of her first grade teacher. the instructions were to sprinkle it on the lawn so that the reindeer could snack while santa was in the house doing his christmas thing under the tree.

when anna was walking down the stairs in her pajamas to go outside, she slipped, and some of the magic reindeer food spilled on the steps and the landing. i told her not to worry about picking it up, because if the reindeer were really hungry, they could come in and snack on the rest of the reindeer food in the house. but i gave her a stern warning: reindeer smell like wet dog, and if she were to smell wet dog in the house in the middle of the night, she was not to come out of her room, or santa and his reindeer would vanish in a blink, because santa was only supposed to be in our house while we were sleeping.

the next morning, anna rushed into our room, and whispered very loudly that she thought she smelled wet dog during the wee hours, but she was a good girl and stayed in her room.

24 December 2007

a visit from st. nick, legally speaking

The Grinch (Plaintiff)------)

----------vs. --------------)
S. Claus (Defendant) -------)

Plaintiff seeks injunctive relief and damages due to a disturbance on or about 24 December 2007, to wit:

1. On or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to, a mouse.

2. Whereas, A variety of foot apparel, e.g., stockings, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a.k.a. St. Nicholas a.k.a. Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at some time thereafter.

3. Whereas, The minor Plaintiffs, to wit the children of the adult Plaintiffs of the aforementioned House were situated in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein visions of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.

4. Whereupon the plaintiff, being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the party of the second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), had retired for a sustained period of sleep. At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g., kerchief and cap.

5. Whereas, suddenly, without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said House, i.e., the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. Plaintiff did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance.

6. At which time Plaintiff did observe, with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter "the Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously aforementioned Claus.

7. Said Claus was allegedly providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer, and did allegedly and specifically identify the animal coconspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder and Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer"). It is further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named "Rudolph" may have been involved.

8. Plaintiff alleges to have witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or nature.

9. Plaintiff alleges that, without prior invitation or permission either express or implied, Claus directed the Vehicle to arrive at the House, and Claus is alleged to have entered said House via the chimney.

10. Plaintiff alleges Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue from the chimney, and he allegedly carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items from the Vehicle. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations.

11. Plaintiff alleges Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor children, which as before stated were hung adjacent to or about the fireplace, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items do not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the United States Tax Code.)

12. Plaintiff alleges that upon completion of such tasks, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for a destination unknown.

13. It is also alleged that, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the Plaintiff did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect.

Respectfully Submitted.

11 December 2007

feeling a little cross lately?

did you see in the news last week where the supreme court doesn't want any crosses on federal property?

crosses on federal property?

duh. . .

should we remove these?

thanks to cycledon
for sending this.