30 October 2005

happy bleeding birthday



time marches on.

just a number, but the numbers keep ticking away.

time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin', into the future. . .*

what was it my brother said?

age is nothing but a matter of time, and who really knows what time it is anyway?

i'll subscribe to my brother's wisdom here.

42, and getting younger.

*apologies to the
steve miller band

28 October 2005

if this isn't an indictment, i don't know what is

(A brief history of White House indictments)

1. On 28 October 2005, I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby, assistant to President Bush Minor and chief of staff to Vice President Dick Cheney, was indicted on five charges including obstruction of justice, making false statements and perjury in the investigation into the leak of a covert cia agent’s name, a violation of the espionage act. The grand jury which handed down the indictment has been hearing the case since 2003. Special counsel Patrick Fitzgerald and his investigators have been trying to determine whether Libby or any other administration officials knowingly revealed the identity of cia agent Valerie Plame or lied about their involvement to investigators. More indictments may be forthcoming.

2. In october 2005, David H. Safavian, the top procurement official for President Bush Minor, resigned. Three days later, he was arrested and indicted on five felony counts connected to criminal investigation of lobbyist Jack Abramoff. At the time the indictment covered, from May 2002 to January 2004, Safavian had been serving as the chief of staff at the general services administration. The case is still pending.

3. In November 1996, Henry G. Cisneros resigned from his position as President Clinton's Housing Secretary. In December 1997, he was indicted on 18 counts of conspiracy, obstruction and lying to the FBI. Cisneros pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor in 1999 and was fined $10,000.

4. In December 1994, Mike Espy resigned from his position as Clinton's Agriculture Secretary. In August 1997, Espy was indicted on 39 corruption counts in allegations that he had received financial gifts from Tyson Foods Inc., one of the companies his department regulated.

5. In May 1993, White House Travel Office chief Billy R. Dale and his entire staff were fired by the Clinton administration. Dale was indicted in december 1994 on two counts of embezzlement and conversion after a grand jury said he pocketed up to $68,000 from media organizations traveling with the president.

6. The only sitting cabinet member in recent history to be indicted while in office was Raymond J. Donovan, President Reagan's labor secretary. In September 1984, Donovan was indicted along with several others, accused of grand larceny in his co-ownership of a construction firm. After going on unpaid leave in october, Donovan resigned in March 1985.

7-19. In November 1986, John M. Poindexter resigned from his post as National Security Adviser to President Reagan. In March 1988, Poindexter was indicted in relation to the Iran-Contra affair. Poindexter was charged with two additional counts of obstructing congress and two counts of making false statements. He was convicted in 1990, but the charges were overturned the following year. Also indicted: Elliott Abrams, Carl R. Channell, Duane R. Clarridge, Thomas G. Clines, Alan D. Fiers, Jr., Clair E. George, Albert Hakim, Robert C. McFarlane, Richard R. Miller, Lt. Col. Oliver North, Richard v. Secord, and Caspar W. Weinberger. On December 24, 1992, President Bush Major pardoned Abrams, Clarridge, Fiers Jr., George, McFarlane, and Weinberger. North's conviction was vacated because of a technical conflict in the immunity agreement between north and the Judiciary Committee in exchange for his testimony.

20. In 1983, Thomas C. Reed resigned from the Reagan administration after working as a presidential assistant under National Security Adviser William P. Clark. In August 1984, he was indicted on four counts related to alleged illegal stock trading.

21-29. In April 1973, President Nixon forced White House Chief of Staff H.R. Haldeman and Domestic Affairs Counsel John Ehrlichman to resign. In March 1974, they were indicted in connection with the Watergate coverup. Along with several others, both Haldeman and Ehrlichman were convicted in 1975 and sentenced to 18 months in prison. Others indicted in the Watergate affair were E. Howard Hunt and G. Gordon Liddy, and the Watergate burglars James W. McCord, Frank Sturgis, Bernard Barker, Eugenio Martinez and Virgilio Gonzalez (a.k.a "The Plumbers").

The score:
Republicans - 26 (and counting)
Democrats - 3

You'd think the Republicans would learn. I guess the phrase "memory of an elephant" doesn't apply.

sources: federation of american scientists, intelligence resource program and the center for media and democracy

27 October 2005

if microsoft made cars. . .

A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until after that year - instead of before it.

Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.

Occasionally your car would just die for no reason, and you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this.

Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this, too.

But that wouldn't work, you'd have to take the engine out, do nothing to it, then put it back in.

You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a "Car 95" or a "Car NT". But then you'd have to buy more seats.

Sun Motor Systems would make a car that was powered by the sun, twice as reliable, and five times as fast - but it would only run on five percent of the roads.

The oil, engine, fuel and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.

People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for many years.

We'd all have to switch to Microsoft fuel.

The U.S. government would be getting subsidies from an auto maker instead of giving them.

New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

The air bag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

The steering wheel would be replaced with a mouse and you'd need to memorize the keyboard short-cut for "brake".

For some reason the engine controller would need a 1G hard disk and would take 5 minutes to boot up.

They wouldn't build their own engines but form a cartel with their engine supplier. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders, multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve design so you could use Model-T Ford parts on it. There would be an "Engine Pro" with bigger turbos, but it would be slower on most existing roads.

Your car would refuse to start with a message "Abort, Retry, Fail or Cancel?"

You would have to have a full service every 500 miles.

The speedometer would read 70 even though you are only doing 50.

They would make a flashy convertible model, where if you raised the top the engine would overheat.

The entire engine wouldn't be in the bay at once, and the car would have to keep stopping and starting to load in the relevant parts.

Every time you carried a new passenger you would have to alter the cars configuration settings. When the passenger alights these configurations would remain in place.

(source unknown)

sorry, tonya

the international olympic committee ruled today that women's boxing will not be included as a medal or exhibition event at the 2008 games in Beijing.

looks like tonya harding's last hope for a gold medal has been dashed.

22 October 2005

cheers, dad

in most of the old candid party or social pictures of my dad, he is holding a drink in his hand. he wasn't a heavy drinker at all--it's just that he always seemed to carry that one glass of scotch with him all night at whatever party he was attending. He would nurse that drink all night and never need a refill.

that's what i call "social drinking."

i'll drink to that, and i'll drink to your memory, dad.

i love you, and i miss you.

12 October 2005

women just don't understand men

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their heads and women with their hearts.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not getting any tonight either.

thanks to sudbeck for that one.

05 October 2005

incompetent boob

The Peter Principle (θə pē•tər prĭn•sĭ•pəl) etym. Laurence Johnston Peter (1919–1990): n.: 1. the tendency for an individual in any hierarchy to rise to his own level of incompetence and then remain there; 2. see also President George W. Bush; 3. see also FEMA Director Michael Brown; 4. see also Supreme Court Justice-Nominee Harriet Miers; 5. et al.

01 October 2005

are you a democrat or a republican

Question: How do you tell the difference between Democrats, Republicans And Southern Republicans?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.
The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?

Democrat's Answer

Republican's Answer

Southern Republican's Answer