25 May 2009

03 May 2009

tips for assembling the drawers in the bed for your 8-year-old

step one: decide which drawer goes where--especially if it's one of those pedestal beds with the drawers under the sleeping surface.

step two: gentlemen, look away--this particular drawer is full of an 8-year-old's "unmentionables."

step three: slide the drawer into the selected hole.

step four: close the drawer completely. voilá! a complete bed.

oh. . .i almost forgot. . .step one-point-one. . .

make sure there are no cats hiding in the hole.

damn cats.

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oops. . .there's more here.

02 May 2009

cats. they think they own the place, part trois

(in case you forgot or missed the entire melodramatic saga, start here, then follow the links at the end of each installment. if you are in the middle of the saga when you reach this point, ignore the previous instruction, and continue.)

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damn cats.

sold the house last week. now live in an apartment, waiting for the perfect house bargain to come along. . .

anyway, the stupid cats are at it again. think they're queens of all they survey. what do they do? they leave!

my 14-year-old's cats vanished again today. into thin air. my daughter is maudlin (again), and my wife is in tears (again). and i have this sort of emotional detachment that's kind of creepy (again).

don't get me wrong, i love my cats. i hope they come back. for my daughter's sake, for my wife's sake. i do miss the creatures. i miss the way they crawl on top of my chest and head-butt my chin to tell me they want food.

damn cats.

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end of story here.