“we had no idea anyone was buried there. . .”
what are the odds?
’nuf said. . .
if you’ve seen this man. . .
we can choose?
great paint job. . .
did we elect these people?
what goes around comes around. . .
and finally. . .
i would have guessed 20. . .
December 9:
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time ever and felt like a boy again. I did both the driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12:
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor, Bob, tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14:
Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15:
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly, we
aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16:
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like crazy. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17:
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought
a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20:
Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22:
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white stuff fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt until August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to go to the bathroom. By the time I got undressed, went, and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think he's is lying.
December 23:
Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What, is she nuts. Why didn't she tell me that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.
December 24:
6" more snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the guy who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the snowplow.
December 25:
Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the -#2$&# slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time I'm going to kill her.
December 26:
Still snowed in. Why did I move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27:
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
December 28:
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. She's driving me CRAZY!!!!
December 29:
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it will cave in. That's the silliest thing I've ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30:
Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.
December 31:
Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8:
1 feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
--------------------------
author unknown
where we got it is a well-kept secret. . .
we braved the snow, and moira even learned a thing or two about snow and how it changes the way one drives. remember the movie cars? she learned the value of the advice turn right to go left.
the tree is up and decorated--likely the first time in her 14 years that we've gotten a tree home,
in the house, and decorated all in the same day.
four days to go.
may your days be merry and bright,
and may all your christmases be white.
and you pansies on the east coast think
The street is deep with the white stuff.
(our car, after 4 hours)
(the neighbor's, across the street)
we've had snow and ice now for a full week,
neither a bloody face nor a deputy's plea could stop a tow-truck driver from doing what he's paid to do. the clackamas county sheriff's office said a wilsonville woman fled her apartment monday night after getting assaulted by her boyfriend. with blood running down her face, she got in her car and sped across the parking lot to her grandmother's place, where she called 911.
the woman provided a statement to the responding sheriff's deputy and then stepped outside to find her car getting towed. the tow driver would not leave the car without making the woman pay a "drop fee."
"i explained to the tow driver that the woman was the victim of domestic violence," deputy wes hall told the oregonian newspaper. the deputy told him there was no place to park, so she left the car with its four-way flashers going, because she was trying to get away.
the deputy's arguments failed to persuade.
the driver, who works on commissions, was completely within his rights to tow the car or charge a drop fee to leave it, said charles white, general operations manager for retriever towing. the amount the woman paid has not been disclosed, but white said the fees can run as high as $160.
"the deputy has no right to tell him to drop the car without charging a fee," said white.
yeah. so much for the spirit of christmas, mister white.
vote on the poll at the left. . .
keep it moving, folks.
read the story here.
looks like the people at allstate are getting some heavy hitters to advertise for them.
rearrange the letters
-----------------------------
dormitory:
dirty room
presbyterian:
best in prayer
astronomer:
moon starer
desperation:
a rope ends it
the eyes:
they see
george bush:
he bugs gore
the morse code:
here come dots
slot machines:
cash lost in me
animosity:
is no amity
election results:
lies - let's recount
snooze alarms:
alas! no more z 's
a decimal point
I’m a dot in place
the earthquakes:
that queer shake
eleven plus two:
twelve plus one
and for the grand finale:
mother-in-law:
woman hitler
By MAUREEN DOWD
Published: October 21, 2008
But what sent him over the edge and made him realize he had to speak out was when he opened his New Yorker three weeks ago and saw a picture of a mother pressing her head against the gravestone of her son, a 20-year-old soldier who had been killed in Iraq. On the headstone were engraved his name, Kareem Rashad Sultan Khan, his awards — the Purple Heart, the Bronze Star — and a crescent and a star to denote his Islamic faith.
“I stared at it for an hour,” he told me. “Who could debate that this kid lying in
Khan was an all-American kid. A 2005 graduate of Southern Regional High School in
His obituary in The Star-Ledger of
His father said Kareem had been eager to enlist since he was 14 and was outraged by the 9/11 attacks. “His Muslim faith did not make him not want to go,” Feroze Khan, told The Gannett News Service after his son died. “He looked at it that he’s American and he has a job to do.”
In a gratifying “have you no sense of decency, Sir and Madam?” moment, Colin Powell went on “Meet the Press” on Sunday and talked about Khan, and the unseemly ways John McCain and Palin have been polarizing the country to try to get elected. It was a tonic to hear someone push back so clearly on ugly innuendo.
Even the Obama campaign has shied away from Muslims. The candidate has gone to synagogues but no mosques, and the campaign was embarrassed when it turned out that two young women in headscarves had not been allowed to stand behind Obama during a speech in
The former secretary of state has dealt with prejudice in his life, in and out of the Army, and he is keenly aware of how many millions of Muslims around the world are being offended by the slimy tenor of the race against Obama.
He told Tom Brokaw that he was troubled by what other Republicans, not McCain, had said: “ ‘Well, you know that Mr. Obama is a Muslim.’ Well, the correct answer is, he is not a Muslim. He’s a Christian. He’s always been a Christian. But the really right answer is, what if he is? Is there something wrong with being a Muslim in this country? The answer’s no. That’s not
Powell got a note from Feroze Khan this week thanking him for telling the world that Muslim-Americans are as good as any others. But he also received more e-mails insisting that Obama is a Muslim and one calling him “unconstitutional and unbiblical” for daring to support a socialist. He got a mass e-mail from a man wanting to spread the word that Obama was reading a book about the end of
“Holy cow!” Powell thought. Upon checking Amazon.com, he saw that it was a reference to Fareed Zakaria, a Muslim who writes a Newsweek column and hosts a CNN foreign affairs show. His latest book is “The Post-American World.”
Powell is dismissive of those, like Rush Limbaugh, who say he made his endorsement based on race. And he’s offended by those who suggest that his appearance Sunday was an expiation for
Even though he watched W. in 2000 make the argument that his lack of foreign policy experience would be offset by the fact that he was surrounded by pros — Powell himself was one of the regents brought in to guide the bumptious Texas dauphin — Powell makes that same argument now for Obama.
“Experience is helpful,” he says, “but it is judgment that matters.”
following the problems in the subprime lending market in
in the last 7 days, origami bank has folded, sumo bank has gone belly up, and bonsai bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.
yesterday, it was announced that karaoke bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song.
while samurai bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, ninja bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.
furthermore, 500 staff at karate bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at sushi bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.
thanks to kgrizzell for sharing this.
THE NEXT SERIES OF SURVIVOR
Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.
Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.
There is no fast food.
Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.
In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.
Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time--no emailing.
Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.
He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.
He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.
Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.
The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.
The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn themselves with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed.
During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.
They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.
They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am.
A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information:
The kids vote them off the island based on performance.
The last man wins only if he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.
If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right to be called
Mother!
After you finish laughing, send this to as many women as you think will get a kick out of it and as many men as you think can handle it.
Just don't send it back to me.... I'm going to bed.
Thanks to cycledon for sharing this
from the manitoba herald, canada
the flood of american liberals sneaking across the border into canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. the possibility of a mccain/palin election is prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with bill o'reilly.
canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal rights activists and unitarians crossing their fields at night. i went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said manitoba farmer red greenfield, whose acreage borders north dakota.
the producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. he asked me if i could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. when i said i didn't have any, he left. didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?" in an effort to stop the illegal aliens, greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. so he tried installing speakers that blare rush limbaugh across the fields. "not real effective," he said. "the liberals still got through, and rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."
officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the canadian border, pack them into volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. "a lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an ontario border patrolman said. "i found one carload without a drop of drinking water. "they did have a nice little napa valley cabernet, though."
when liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. rumors have been circulating about the mccain administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to shoot wolves from airplanes, deny evolution, and act out drills preparing them for "the rapture."
in recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap canadian prescription drugs. after catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on perry como and rosemary clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s. "if they can't identify the accordion player on the lawrence welk show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.
canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good susan sarandon movies. "i feel sorry for american liberals, but the canadian economy just can't support them," an ottawa resident said. "how many art-history and english majors does one country need?"
thanks to bob for sharing this.
apologies to jibjab
