let it snow, part deux

 

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

grinch update

the owner of the towing company has agreed to refund $165 to the woman, and donate $500 to raphael house, a local shelter for women and children who are victims of domestic abuse. . .but only after being asked to by the apartment community where the car was almost towed and then dropped. . .

is this enough to change your mind on the poll? cast your vote accordingly.

for the geekazoid in all of us

yes, you can get a dvd projector/home theater projection system
which looks like r2-d2, complete with a remote which is
a miniature of the millennium falcon.
it'll cost you 17,000 galactic credits
(or $2,500 usd), but it's übercool.

click the picture to see r2-d2 in action.
it'll take you to .5 past lightspeed.

you're a monster, mister grinchyour heart's an empty hole

neither a bloody face nor a deputy's plea could stop a tow-truck driver from doing what he's paid to do. the clackamas county sheriff's office said a wilsonville woman fled her apartment monday night after getting assaulted by her boyfriend. with blood running down her face, she got in her car and sped across the parking lot to her grandmother's place, where she called 911.

the woman provided a statement to the responding sheriff's deputy and then stepped outside to find her car getting towed. the tow driver would not leave the car without making the woman pay a "drop fee."

"i explained to the tow driver that the woman was the victim of domestic violence," deputy wes hall told the oregonian newspaper. the deputy told him there was no place to park, so she left the car with its four-way flashers going, because she was trying to get away.

the deputy's arguments failed to persuade.

the driver, who works on commissions, was completely within his rights to tow the car or charge a drop fee to leave it, said charles white, general operations manager for retriever towing. the amount the woman paid has not been disclosed, but white said the fees can run as high as $160.

"the deputy has no right to tell him to drop the car without charging a fee," said white.

yeah. so much for the spirit of christmas, mister white.

--------------------------------------------------------

vote on the poll at the left. . .

the perfect man and woman

click the picture

thanks to cycledon for sharing this.
thought it worth passing on.

as we prepare for a cold winter blastin the next two days,let us not forget this episodefrom last year. . .

it's in moments of sheer beauty like these that you realize just how small and insignificant we really are. . .

in the words of the great philosopherdr. ruth westheimer. . .

spooning leads to forking

we have reports of a four-eightyand a one-eight-sevenon aisle one at the valley stream wal•martnearest units, please respond code 3

a wal-mart worker died early friday after an "out-of-control" mob of frenzied shoppers smashed through the Long Island store's front doors and trampled him.

34-year-old Jdimytai Damour was dead and four shoppers, including a woman eight months pregnant, were injured.

even officers who arrived to perform cpr on the trampled worker were stepped on by wild-eyed shoppers streaming inside, a cop at the scene said.

and when shoppers were told they had to leave because the store was a crime scene because a worker was killed by the stampede, they just kept shopping.

gives new meaning to blitzkrieg, doesn't it?



all in the name of saving $10 on a plasma tv.

the shame of it.

photo and info courtesy of
new york daily news

the grassy median is for jogging or walking only. all others not jogging or walking will be ticketed and hauled off to the hoosegow.

did you know that the city of santa monica will give you a ticket if you are not actively jogging on the traffic medians? strange, but true.

if you are stretching, sitting, doing yoga or pilates, you can be ticketed.

keep it moving, folks.

read the story here.

would that make the santa monica police bored stiff geeks? does that qualify them for nomination into the bored stiff geeks hall of fame? vote in our (unscientific) poll at the top of the page.

thanks!

x

where might we be today. . .?

click here for the story behind the picture

.

photo courtesy of the smithsonian institution

it was 45 years ago today. . .

play that funky muzak white boys

this morning, i was in my local safeway store when, to my surprise, i heard i am iron man (by black sabbath with ozzie osbourne) playing over the loudspeakers.

what has muzak come to?

"and now the lovely lennon sisters
are going to sing
i can't get no satisfaction.
and a one, and a two."

lawrence welk
as interpreted by
robin williams

sarah palin says "you need a little levity in this job"how right she is.

86778 minutes. . .

and then the fight started

my wife sat down on the couch next to me as i was flipping channels.  She asked, “what’s on tv?”

i said, “dust.”

and then the fight started.

--------

my wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.  she
said, “i want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.”

i bought her a scale.

and then the fight started.

--------

when i got home last night, my wife demanded that i take her someplace
expensive... so, i took her to a gas station...

and then the fight started....

--------

after retiring, i went to the social security office to apply for social
security. the woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to
verify my age. i looked in my pockets and realized i had left my wallet at home.
i told the woman that i was very sorry, but i would have to go home and come
back later.

the woman said, “unbutton your shirt”. so i opened my shirt revealing
my curly silver hair..

she said, ‘that silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me” and
she processed my social security application.

when i got home, i excitedly told my wife about my experience at the social
security office.

she said, “you should have dropped your pants. you might have gotten
disability, too.”

and then the fight started...

-------

my wife and i were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and i kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table.

my wife asked, “do you know her?”

“yes,” i sighed, ‘she’s my old girlfriend. i understand she
took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and i hear she
hasn’t been sober since.”

“my god!” says my wife, “who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?”

and then the fight started...

--------

i rear-ended a car this morning. so, there we were alongside the road and
slowly the other driver got out of his car. you know how sometimes you just get
soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

yeah, well i couldn’t believe it... he was a dwarf!!!

he stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, “i am not
happy!”

so, i looked down at him and said, “well, then which one are you?”

and then the fight started...

you're in good hands

looks like the people at allstate are getting some heavy hitters to advertise for them.

happy birthday, meagan

 

uncommon valor is a common virtue

click here for a great war story

do they never learn?

it nearly happened again.

you'd think, after four years, that your kids would learn something from their experiences.

what does a parent have to do? she's a smart kid, eight years old now.

keep the water inside the tub. shower with the curtain closed.

you're a big girl now.

thank god in heaven we got to it in time, and the floors will stay intact.

anagram, anagram,my kingdom for an anagram

rearrange the letters

-----------------------------

dormitory:
dirty room

presbyterian:
best in prayer

astronomer:
moon starer

desperation:
a rope ends it

the eyes:
they see

george bush:
he bugs gore

the morse code:
here come dots

slot machines:
cash lost in me

animosity:
is no amity

election results:
lies - let's recount

snooze alarms:
alas! no more z 's

a decimal point
I’m a dot in place

the earthquakes:
that queer shake

eleven plus two:
twelve plus one

and for the grand finale:

mother-in-law:
woman hitler

 

 

for you political junkies like my mom. . .

election day is here. . .let the countdown begin.

The New Backwards Bush Drinking Song

78 days left of Bush on the Mall!
78 days left of Bush!
Take him down,
Slap him around.
78 days left of Bush on the Mall!

it's the puking pumpkin, charlie brown

the $700 billion bailout was supposed to free up money for banks to lend, right?

turns out otherwise. . .

editorial: loans? did we say we’d do loans?

nytimes.com

indications of a revitalized economy

new york--wall street investors experienced a sudden surge in optimism tuesday when, after six tumultuous weeks that saw record drops in the dow jones industrial average, a $1 bill was spotted on the floor of the new york stock exchange.


the dollar bill was discovered in the northwest corner of the trading floor at approximately 12:05 p.m., and its condition was reported as "crinkled, but real." word of the tangible denomination of u.s. currency spread quickly across the nyse, sending traders into a frenzied rush of shouting, arm-flailing, hooting, hollering, and, according to eyewitnesses, at least one dog pile.


"with credit frozen and the commercial paper market poised on the brink of collapse, this is the most promising development i've seen on wall street in months," said floor trader tim formato, one of hundreds who gathered around the $1 bill and excitedly called their clients to inform them that they were looking at actual u.s. tender. "i think i touched it."


according to witnesses, the trading floor was soon abuzz with energy, as traders pointed at the dollar and repeatedly shouted "look!" and "money!" a proposal to divide the $1 note into 1,300 equal pieces and distribute them amongst investors was considered, but ultimately rejected. early reports estimate the dollar may have passed through as many as 65 hands before disappearing in the late afternoon.


the bill's absence, however, did not deter the growing enthusiasm from those on the trading floor. by 2:15 p.m., more than 60,000 shares had been purchased in the new publicly traded asset, dlr, after brokers placed a flurry of calls advising their investors to buy into the booming single-dollar market.


by the close of day, economists were estimating the dollar bill's net worth at just under $270 million.


"we couldn't be in a better situation right now," trader patrick kady said. "unless of course it had been a euro."


however, some financial advisers are warning against the rampant speculation the dollar has caused on wall street. many have cautioned investors not to make rash decisions, such as liquidating all their low-risk government bonds in order to sniff the green paper bill for just a minute.


"i bet it smells like rose petals," mutual funds specialist ken stoute said. "my friend's friend tim formato? he's on the board at westminster securities and he says he touched it. he said it was warm and soft and wonderful. he said he knows where it is now, and i can put in an option on seeing it tomorrow for only $85."


since the appearance of the dollar, the dow has spiked an impressive 993 points—its largest gain ever. initial numbers are showing the most sizable rises in technology stocks, a trend some are attributing to microsoft's cfo chris liddell, who toured the trading floor tuesday morning with the bill stuck to his left shoe.


the overall projection for the market following the incident has been positive, with many analysts claiming that the $1 bill may be an indication of other spare change lying around. this, coupled with reports out of europe that there is a german college student who has not yet hit her credit card limit this month, could be enough to stabilize the dow and jump-start the global economy once again.


"this is just another sign that the u.s. economy is as strong and resilient as it has ever been," said richard fuld jr., former ceo of lehman brothers. "i'm just glad we finally have these credit and subprime mortgage loan crises behind us. this $1 bill will carry us through another 10 years of reckless, unregulated borrowing."

can you be muslim and american at the same time? former secretary of state colin powell says yes.

Moved by a Crescent

By MAUREEN DOWD

Published: October 21, 2008

Colin Powell had been bugged by many things in his party’s campaign this fall: the insidious merging of rumors that Barack Obama was Muslim with intimations that he was a terrorist sympathizer; the assertion that Sarah Palin was ready to be president; the uniformed sheriff who introduced Governor Palin by sneering about Barack Hussein Obama; the scorn with which Republicans spit out the words “community organizer”; the Republicans’ argument that using taxes to “spread the wealth” was socialist when the purpose of taxes is to spread the wealth; Palin’s insidious notion that small towns in states that went for W. were “the real America.”

Maureen Dowd
Fred R. Conrad/The New York Times

But what sent him over the edge and made him realize he had to speak out was when he opened his New Yorker three weeks ago and saw a picture of a mother pressing her head against the gravestone of her son, a 20-year-old soldier who had been killed in Iraq. On the headstone were engraved his name, Kareem Rashad Sultan Khan, his awards — the Purple Heart, the Bronze Star — and a crescent and a star to denote his Islamic faith.

“I stared at it for an hour,” he told me. “Who could debate that this kid lying in Arlington with Christian and Jewish and nondenominational buddies was not a fine American?”

Khan was an all-American kid. A 2005 graduate of Southern Regional High School in Manahawkin, N.J., he loved the Dallas Cowboys and playing video games with his 12-year-old stepsister, Aliya.

His obituary in The Star-Ledger of Newark said that he had sent his family back pictures of himself playing soccer with Iraqi children and hugging a smiling young Iraqi boy.

His father said Kareem had been eager to enlist since he was 14 and was outraged by the 9/11 attacks. “His Muslim faith did not make him not want to go,” Feroze Khan, told The Gannett News Service after his son died. “He looked at it that he’s American and he has a job to do.”

In a gratifying “have you no sense of decency, Sir and Madam?” moment, Colin Powell went on “Meet the Press” on Sunday and talked about Khan, and the unseemly ways John McCain and Palin have been polarizing the country to try to get elected. It was a tonic to hear someone push back so clearly on ugly innuendo.

Even the Obama campaign has shied away from Muslims. The candidate has gone to synagogues but no mosques, and the campaign was embarrassed when it turned out that two young women in headscarves had not been allowed to stand behind Obama during a speech in Detroit because aides did not want them in the TV shot.

The former secretary of state has dealt with prejudice in his life, in and out of the Army, and he is keenly aware of how many millions of Muslims around the world are being offended by the slimy tenor of the race against Obama.

He told Tom Brokaw that he was troubled by what other Republicans, not McCain, had said: “ ‘Well, you know that Mr. Obama is a Muslim.’ Well, the correct answer is, he is not a Muslim. He’s a Christian. He’s always been a Christian. But the really right answer is, what if he is? Is there something wrong with being a Muslim in this country? The answer’s no. That’s not America. Is something wrong with some 7-year-old Muslim-American kid believing that he or she could be president?”

Powell got a note from Feroze Khan this week thanking him for telling the world that Muslim-Americans are as good as any others. But he also received more e-mails insisting that Obama is a Muslim and one calling him “unconstitutional and unbiblical” for daring to support a socialist. He got a mass e-mail from a man wanting to spread the word that Obama was reading a book about the end of America written by a fellow Muslim.

“Holy cow!” Powell thought. Upon checking Amazon.com, he saw that it was a reference to Fareed Zakaria, a Muslim who writes a Newsweek column and hosts a CNN foreign affairs show. His latest book is “The Post-American World.”

Powell is dismissive of those, like Rush Limbaugh, who say he made his endorsement based on race. And he’s offended by those who suggest that his appearance Sunday was an expiation for Iraq, speaking up strongly now about what he thinks the world needs because he failed to do so then.

Even though he watched W. in 2000 make the argument that his lack of foreign policy experience would be offset by the fact that he was surrounded by pros — Powell himself was one of the regents brought in to guide the bumptious Texas dauphin — Powell makes that same argument now for Obama.

“Experience is helpful,” he says, “but it is judgment that matters.”

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/22/opinion/22dowd.html?hp

more bad news from the banking front

following the problems in the subprime lending market in america and the run on northern rock in the UK , uncertainty has now hit japan.

in the last 7 days, origami bank has folded, sumo bank has gone belly up, and bonsai bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.

yesterday, it was announced that karaoke bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song.

while samurai bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, ninja bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.

furthermore, 500 staff at karate bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at sushi bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

thanks to kgrizzell for sharing this.

I'd like to see this on the Next Series of Survivor

THE NEXT SERIES OF SURVIVOR

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time--no emailing.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn themselves with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information:

• child's birthday
• height
• weight
• shoe size
• clothes size
• doctor's name
• weight at birth
• length
• time of birth
• and length of labor
• favorite color
• middle name
• favorite snack
• favorite song
• favorite drink
• favorite toy
• biggest fear, and
• what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance.
The last man wins only if he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right to be called

Mother!

After you finish laughing, send this to as many women as you think will get a kick out of it and as many men as you think can handle it.

Just don't send it back to me.... I'm going to bed.

Thanks to cycledon for sharing this

a real immigration problem, eh?

from the manitoba herald, canada

the flood of american liberals sneaking across the border into canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. the possibility of a mccain/palin election is prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with bill o'reilly.

canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal rights activists and unitarians crossing their fields at night. i went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said manitoba farmer red greenfield, whose acreage borders north dakota.

the producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. he asked me if i could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. when i said i didn't have any, he left. didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?" in an effort to stop the illegal aliens, greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. so he tried installing speakers that blare rush limbaugh across the fields. "not real effective," he said. "the liberals still got through, and rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."

officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the canadian border, pack them into volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. "a lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an ontario border patrolman said. "i found one carload without a drop of drinking water. "they did have a nice little napa valley cabernet, though."

when liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. rumors have been circulating about the mccain administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to shoot wolves from airplanes, deny evolution, and act out drills preparing them for "the rapture."

in recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap canadian prescription drugs. after catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on perry como and rosemary clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s. "if they can't identify the accordion player on the lawrence welk show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.

canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good susan sarandon movies. "i feel sorry for american liberals, but the canadian economy just can't support them," an ottawa resident said. "how many art-history and english majors does one country need?"

thanks to bob for sharing this.

a new take on the aig bailout. . .

i'm against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG.

instead, i'm in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to america in a We Deserve It Dividend (WDID).

to make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 bona fide u.s. citizens 18 and older.
our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child.
so 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up.

divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000.00. my plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18 and older as a WDID.

of course, it would not be tax free.

let's assume a tax rate of 30%. every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. that sends $25,500,000,000 right back to uncle sam. but it means that every adult 18 and older has $297,500.00 in their pocket. a husband and wife gets $595,000.00.

what would you do with an extra $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?

pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.
repay college loans - a great boost to new grads.
put away money for college - it'll be there.
save in a bank - create money to lend to entrepreneurs.
buy a new car - create jobs.
invest in the market - capital drives growth.
pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves.
enable deadbeat dads to come clean - or else.

remember this is for every adult u.s. citizen 18 and older, including the folks who lost their jobs at lehman brothers, and every other company that is cutting back.

let's not forget those serving in our armed forces.

if we're going to redistribute wealth let's really do it...instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ( "vote buy" ) economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for president.

if we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult u.s. citizen 18 and older!

as for aig - liquidate it. sell off its parts. let american international group go back to being AIG.
sell off the real estate. let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.

here's my rationale: we deserve it and AIG doesn't.

sure it's a crazy idea that can "never work." but can you imagine the coast-to-coast block party?
how do you spell economic boom?

i trust my fellow adult americans to know how to use the $85 billion WDID more than i trust the geniuses at AIG or in washington d.c.

and remember, the WDID plan only really costs $59.5 billion because $25.5 billion is returned instantly in taxes to uncle sam.

ahhh...i feel so much better getting that off my chest.

happy birthday to you. . .

happy 17 again

=8-D

always young at heart

what's the name of the operating system in your laptop?

we now have two laptops at home.

the operating system for the white one is called leopard,

while the other one, i suppose, is called domestic shorthair.

i could'a been a contender

I scored highest as a Mafia Boss on this quiz.

thanks to nerdygirl for the quiz link

whass happ'nin?

if i'd been born in the fifties, i might've looked like this in the seventies.

groovy.

good thing it was only a category one. . .

from the associated press newswire. . .

"SAN ANTONIO - Relieved and upbeat, President Bush declared Monday that the government had responded "a lot better" to Hurricane Gustav than it did to deadly Hurricane Katrina."

apologies to jibjab

mothers. . .can't live with 'em,can't give 'em new technology

love you, mom

you can learn a lot from a dog

If a dog was your teacher you would learn:

• When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
• Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
• Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face tobe pure ecstasy.
• Take naps.
• Stretch before rising.
• Run, romp, and play daily.
• Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
• Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
• On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
• On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
• When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
• Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
• Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.
• Be loyal.
• Never pretend to be something you're not.
• If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
• When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
• Being always grateful for each new day and for the blessing you have.
• ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY!

here we goeth again

out into the fray go i, looking for a new job. countrywide decided to close all the field offices in my division of the company. two years ago, they hired 3000 of us. this year they let all of us go.

ouch.

anyway, for the first time in 7 years i am actively looking for work. keep the options open, explore new possibilities.

one door closes, one opens.

show me the door.

you can't hide forever or so much for omertá

"Gomorra," the organized-crime tale that won rave reviews at Cannes in May, is helping the Italian police track down real criminals.

According to the Italian daily newspaper Corriere della Sera, the film was screened at a Naples prison where inmates in jail for activities related to the Gomorra -- Naples' version of the Mafia -- recognized one of their own among the film's cast.

The actor, credited in the film as Giovanno Venosa, who is reported to be a wanted organized crime figure with a passion for acting, ended up as part of the no-name cast that director Matteo Garrone selected for the film. He tried out in an open audition and won a role.

Police said they easily tracked him down and that he was placed in prison in the northern Italian city of Modena, near Bologna.

"We would have never known Venosa was who we were looking for if he had not been recognized by the inmates who saw the film," a spokesman for the Carabinieri in Naples said in a telephone interview.

In the film, the character played by Venosa killed two teenagers. Police did not say which crime he has been accused of in real life.

Yahoo!/Reuters News

women. . .can't live with 'em,can't trade 'em in.

A woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
One such store has just opened in New York City.

Among the instructions at the store entrance is a description of how the store operates.

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors.
The attributes of the men increase
as you ascend the flights.

There is, however, a catch. . .
you may not compare men on different floors.
You may choose to go up a floor,
but you may not go back down
except to leave the building!

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

First Floor

These men have jobs
and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:

Second Floor

These men have jobs,
love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Third Floor

These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids,
and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but is compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor reads the sign:

Fourth Floor

These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids,
are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims. "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes on:

Fifth Floor

These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids,
are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework,
and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she continues to the sixth floor and reads the sign:

Sixth Floor

You are visitor 44,363,012 to this floor.

There are no men on this floor.

This floor exists solely as proof
that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

Watch your step as you leave,
and have a nice day!

x

thanks to sudbeck for sending this to me. . .

happy father's day.

i fart in your general direction

one minute she's crawling on the floor in diapers. . .the next minute, she's all grown up

13 going on 30, this one.

notice the dress moira's wearing? this dress was worn by her mother on one of our first dates back in 1986--22 years ago--when her mom was a freshman in college.

and now moira is filling the dress quite nicely. it may even fit her for another 9 or 10 years.

wear it to a semi-formal dance, she might.

wear it to her college graduation, just as her mother did.

and just yesterday, she was a baby bouncing on my knee.

time flies. it's so precious, almost as much as the children who occupy it.

reminds us not to waste it.

oh the weather outside is. . .

check the date, folks. it's april. what's with the white stuff?

and there are more snow flurries in the forecast for monday. . .

yeesh.

i know there's food in there somewhere. . .

thank you for calling technical support. may i help you?

mujibar was trying to get a job in india .

the personnel manager said, "mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. unless you pass it, you cannot qualify for this job."

mujibar said, "i am ready."

the manager said, "make a sentence using the words yellow, pink and

green."

mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "mister manager, i am ready"

the manager said, "go ahead."

mujibar said, "the telephone goes green, green, and i pink it up, and say, 'yellow', this is mujibar."
mujibar now works at a call center.

no doubt you have spoken to him. i know i have.

code of the geeks

my geek code:

 

GCC/L/MC/MU d-(--)@>---$ s(+):(+) a+ C+(++)@>++++ !U--- P? L E? W(++)@>+++$ !N !o? K--? w(--)>--- !O M(+)$@>++ !V? PS+(++)>+++ PE(-) Y+? PGP? t(+)@>++ 5(-)>-- X(++) R-? tv+ b++(+++)>++++ DI+ !D G e++(+++)>++++ h----(---)>-- r+++ y++++>+++

it was a cold day in grand central station

click me

this is good. sign me up for the next cold snap.

get surreal

how surreal it was to come home from work to find this in my front yard.
i mean, i knew it was coming, but this makes it so. . .

. . .real, you know?

it's my first house, for crying out loud, and it's for sale. now our lives are topsy-turvy--we have to be ready to leave on 15-minutes' notice so the house can be shown, which means the house has to be damn spotless all the time!

yikes.

kinda hits you where you live. bad pun, i know, but it works.

wish us happy bidding wars and offers over market value, willya?

investment tips for the average bud

retirement planning for 2008

if you had purchased $1,000.00 of nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

with enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

with worldcom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

if you had purchased $1,000 of delta airlines stock you would have $49.00 left.

but, if you purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling refund, you would have $214.00.

based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

it's called the 401-keg plan.

thanks to sbates for sharing
his advice on drinking for profit.
this plan is not recommended
for women who are pregnant
or for persons who have a
family history of alcolohism
or a tendency to become alcoholic.
seek the advice of a professional
investment counselor
or a physician
to learn whether the 401-keg plan
is right for you.

lamborghini doors are so passéeven lamborghini doesn't use them any more

look like someone you know?

525,600 minutes*

*(give or take a day, thanks to leap year)

a riddle inside a puzzle, wrapped in an enigma. . .

last night, we were sitting around the dinner table discussing what we would do if we sold our house and moved to another. during a part of the conversation, we were discussing having enough room to jigsaw puzzles on the dinner table, and having the room to leave the puzzle there all the time.

as a jibe, my wife said to my oldest daughter, “you are a puzzle!”

in her best quick-witted retort to date, moira responded, “yeah—with a piece missing!”

moira: 2

isuzu: 0

does red wine or white go with an isuzu?

we knew this day was coming.

eight years ago this summer, our lovely oldest daughter was in a car-versus-bike accident involving an isuzu rodeo. she was such a little p'up at the time.

she wasn't hurt badly, thank god. only two of her front teeth were knocked out, and her dentist came to the rescue by being at the emergency room when she arrived to be sure her teeth were reinserted properly. we knew there was a chance that the teeth would not hold for long, and that the roots would dissolve in her gums, and that eventually she'd need a false tooth or an implant.

today it happened. out came the tooth at the insistence of her dentist, and she has been fitted for a temporary false tooth. eventually she'll get an implant.

she's been a real trooper (pardon the isuzu references--it's completely intentional) through the whole ordeal.

even i, to cope with the accident, don't say she was hit by a car. i like to lighten it up a little. . .

. . .i say she tried to take a bite out of an isuzu.



we thank our lucky stars and god above that it wasn't worse.



moira: 1
isuzu: 0

and on the third day he rose from the pan?

please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. the pillsbury doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection & trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. he was 71.

doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. baker's dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including mrs. butterworth, hungry jack, the california raisins, betty crocker, the hostess twinkies, & cap'n crunch.

the grave site was piled high with flours. aunt jemima delivered the eulogy & lovingly described doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. he was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man & was considered a positive roll model for millions.

doughboy is survived by his wife play dough, 2 children, john dough & jane dough, plus they had one in the oven. he is also survived by his elderly father, pop tart.

the funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

life sucks. . .then you're dead

first-year students at texas a&m's vet school were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. they all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. the professor started the class by telling them, "in veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: the first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body."

as an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. "go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. the students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. but eventually they took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.

when everyone finished, the professor looked at them and said, "the second most important quality is observation. i stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. now learn to pay attention. life's tough, it's even tougher if you're stupid."

thanks to cycledon for sending this to me.

holy dorsal fins, batman!

A family was on holiday in Australia for a week and a half when husband, wife and their 15-year-old-son decided to go scuba diving.

The husband is in the navy and has had some scuba experience. His son wanted a pic of his mum and dad in all their gear so got the underwater camera on the go.

When it came to taking the pic the dad realized that the son looked like he was panicking as he took it and gave the "OK" hand sign to see if he was all right.

The son took the pic and swam to the surface and back to the boat as quick as he could so the mum and dad followed to see if he was OK.

When they got back to him he was scrambling onto the boat in an absolute panic. When the parents asked why, he said "There was a shark behind you" and the dad thought he was joking but the skipper of the boat said it was true, and that they wouldn't believe him if he told them what it was.

As soon as they got back to the hotel they put the pic onto the laptop.

Click here to see what they saw.

first of all, young man, you've got geek disease*

it seems my girls (all 3) have gotten a bite from the geek bug--the bored stiff geek bug, that is. carrie discovered a new hobby called geocaching, in which various items are hidden around the world, clues are sprinkled around the internet complete with gps coordinates, and hints about the nature of the booty are part of the description. (a gps device is essential. you download the coordinates of the cache, and the gps tells you which direction to go and how far away you are.)

for example: What?? (was I thinking when I named these caches) is the name of the first find.

its description reads like this:

Log, No writing utensil.
I drove by this place a couple times and seen it from the hwy. So thought I would check it out. Is this like the cart before the horse?? There is NO need to climb, mess up landscaping, nothing needs to be messed up to get the cache. No need to get wet although I personally wouldn't Stop you if you were so inclined. Medication is not always a bad thing....Just a quick cache. I parked at the false start. play play play...

Additional Hint: Zrqf. ebpx!!!

Decryption Key

ABCDEFGHIJKLM
-------------
NOPQRSTUVWXYZ
(letter above equals below,
and vice versa)

(decrypted: Meds. rock!!!)

turns out there was a medicine bottle in a hole in a rock, in which there was a tiny notepad (log) on which you are supposed to write your name and time you visited. lots of names and dates on the log.

seems geocaching is quite the phenomenon. worldwide, even. you can make quite an adventure out of the most mundane trip to germany or poland or aruba. all you need is a handheld gps device, a reasonable sense of direction, and a bagful of loot. some of the geocaches allow you to remove an item so long as you leave an item. in lost my marbles, you take a marble and leave a marble.



in magness, there is an ammunition box left by the mount hood geocaching club (there are ten others around oregon) full of loot. sign the log, take one, leave one.



the cool thing about the geocaches is that many of the treasures are hidden on private or semi-private property, and the property owners themselves have given permission to hide stuff on their land, knowing full well that people are going to be-a-traipsing through their yards, digging under logpiles or rooting in tree stumps looking for hidden treasure. many of these homeowners or property managers are geocachers themselves.

we really had a rollicking good time--even in the driving wind and the rain.

*apologies to dire straits, industrial disease

i'm dreaming of a white christmas

for the first time in (how many??) years, it's snowing on christmas day.



it's going to be a good year.

smells like wet dog, redux

a christmas story to share, not that you haven't heard enough of christmas. . .



my 7-year-old came home from school on the day before christmas break with magic reindeer food--a mixture of oatmeal and glitter, compliments of her first grade teacher. the instructions were to sprinkle it on the lawn so that the reindeer could snack while santa was in the house doing his christmas thing under the tree.

when anna was walking down the stairs in her pajamas to go outside, she slipped, and some of the magic reindeer food spilled on the steps and the landing. i told her not to worry about picking it up, because if the reindeer were really hungry, they could come in and snack on the rest of the reindeer food in the house. but i gave her a stern warning: reindeer smell like wet dog, and if she were to smell wet dog in the house in the middle of the night, she was not to come out of her room, or santa and his reindeer would vanish in a blink, because santa was only supposed to be in our house while we were sleeping.

the next morning, anna rushed into our room, and whispered very loudly that she thought she smelled wet dog during the wee hours, but she was a good girl and stayed in her room.

a visit from st. nick, legally speaking

----------------------------
----------------------------)
----------------------------)
The Grinch (Plaintiff)------)
----------------------------)
----------------------------)
----------vs. --------------)
----------------------------)
----------------------------)
S. Claus (Defendant) -------)
----------------------------)
----------------------------)
----------------------------

Plaintiff seeks injunctive relief and damages due to a disturbance on or about 24 December 2007, to wit:

1. On or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to, a mouse.

2. Whereas, A variety of foot apparel, e.g., stockings, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a.k.a. St. Nicholas a.k.a. Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at some time thereafter.

3. Whereas, The minor Plaintiffs, to wit the children of the adult Plaintiffs of the aforementioned House were situated in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein visions of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.

4. Whereupon the plaintiff, being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the party of the second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), had retired for a sustained period of sleep. At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g., kerchief and cap.

5. Whereas, suddenly, without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said House, i.e., the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. Plaintiff did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance.

6. At which time Plaintiff did observe, with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter "the Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously aforementioned Claus.

7. Said Claus was allegedly providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer, and did allegedly and specifically identify the animal coconspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder and Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer"). It is further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named "Rudolph" may have been involved.

8. Plaintiff alleges to have witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or nature.

9. Plaintiff alleges that, without prior invitation or permission either express or implied, Claus directed the Vehicle to arrive at the House, and Claus is alleged to have entered said House via the chimney.

10. Plaintiff alleges Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue from the chimney, and he allegedly carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items from the Vehicle. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations.

11. Plaintiff alleges Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor children, which as before stated were hung adjacent to or about the fireplace, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items do not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the United States Tax Code.)

12. Plaintiff alleges that upon completion of such tasks, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for a destination unknown.

13. It is also alleged that, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the Plaintiff did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect.

Respectfully Submitted.

feeling a little cross lately?

did you see in the news last week where the supreme court doesn't want any crosses on federal property?

crosses on federal property?

duh. . .



should we remove these?

thanks to cycledon
for sending this.