note to verizon wireless

my office is a cellular dead zone. you think you could do something about that?

my life as amortgage account executiveday one

wow.

scripts to memorize, videos to watch, notes to take. . .all this information to cram in my head in the next three weeks!

ack

wish me luck.

voices inside my head, part deux

i wonder when the dreams about selling cars will end.

i know i start a new career tomorrow as a loan account executive for countrywide home loans. i suppose it's because i will miss the people at royal moore.

bill and tim i'll miss the most. thanks for the support and the friendship. i do feel a bit guilty about leaving you two in the lurch.

jason, for your support and encouragement, for believing in me, and for helping me get that fleet job (even though it was short-lived).

mike, for your support and friendship, and for driving me to become a better salesman, for your--shall we say--unique sense of humor, and our animated political discussions.

rick, for your fishing and hunting stories, your wild tales of salesmen and their misadventures in the car biz, for believing in me and my abilities, and for your support. sorry i didn't get a chance to say thanks and farewell face-to-face before i left.

todd and shawn, for your animated political diatribes, and for your support.

chris, for your wacky front porch rap. congrats on the wedding. hope vegas was a blast.

lacey, for your lovely smile and disposition. you could light up a room just by walking in.

peggy, for breaking all those fins.

connie, for your dry wit.

dana and sharon, for fielding all those endless questions about procedures and stuff while i was a mazda geek. i am sure i drove you crazy.

scott and ray, for handling all my technical queries with aplomb.

and the rest of you?

too many to name, too much to say.

i leave with a resounding (say it with me) THANK YOU!

and so an inning closes.can't wait for the next inning to begin.

the end of my days as a transportation consultant (read car salesman) are upon me. tomorrow is it. i've accepted a position as an account executive with countrywide. i start monday. it's a whole new inning, and i'm looking forward to the first pitch.

wish me good luck and godspeed. i hope i don't need it, but it'll be nice to have them in my dugout.

it's a small world, part deux

got a phone call at work last night from some guy looking for a car. i needed to call him back so I asked for his name and number.

mitch willett.

unusual spelling of that name. unusual name, that.

any relation to mark? asked i.

yup. he's my older brother.

i know mark and mike, but not mitch. . .but wait. . .i think his mom was pregnant with you when mark and i graduated from junior high!

that's me, said mitch.

wow. small world.

met mitch and his girlfriend shawna today. nice couple. they dated over the phone for months. here's to LDRs. sometimes they work. both of them are teachers--special ed (hats off to them for that. . .it's a calling.)

he looks like mike and sounds like mark. did some reminiscing. mom still lives in the same house in LO. mark and mike sell drugs. . .er, pharmaceutical sales reps they are. i forget now what matt does. mark married the girl he knew since the tender age of sixteen. been together 36 years! that's an accomplishment.

it's amazing how much catching up you can do in an hour.

the bonus: they even bought the car they were looking for.

nice meeting you, mitch and shawna. hope to see you and your family again soon.

what would you do with a trillion?

you'd have to spend a million a day for a million days, but that'd take 2,739 years. if you live an average 77 years, you'd have to spend almost $35.6 million every day of your life, from birth to death.

that's a lotta cheese.

from cnn.com

what the hell is an octicorn?

octicorn.com

the female is called unipuss.

happy friggin' anniversary indeed, part deux

another february 6 has come and gone, and i am here at royal moore auto center 3 years now. my goodness, how time flies. seems like yesterday i was a geek, but then i got laid off twice in five months and started selling cars of all things to pay the bills. come june it'll be five years total, and three years today at this place.

and my kids are growing like weeds,
and moira will be a sixth-grader,
and anna will be a first-grader,
and
and
and

and time marches on.

happy anniversary.

the man who married my mothersent me this joke.it bears sharing.

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Frank every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro Tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something, huh?"

Cabbie: "He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out."

Passenger: "Wow, some guy eh"?

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get into them."

Passenger: "Mmm, not many like that around."

Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank."

Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"

Cabbie: "I married his widow"

blonde joke

i read the greatest blonde joke today. it had me rolling on the floor.

happy chinese new year

woof

happy birthday to geekshappy birthday to geekshappy birthday boredstiffgeekshappy birthday to geeks

been here a year, and what a year it's been

i love the smell of impeachment in the morning

the whole business almost makes me nostalgic for the clinton impeachment, which now seems as quaint as the geneva convention: a relic of a happier, more innocent time in american history, a time when we fretted about secret tape recordings made by linda tripp instead of secret recordings made by the nsa.

rosa brooks,
latimes.com commentary

i love a parade

kids. gotta love 'em.

anna (the five year old) has been talking about nothing for the last two days except getting up today to see the rose parade. it was the last thing on her lips last night. "please wake me up to see the rose parade, daddy."

well, this morning, we woke her up. her mom did, anyway--i was at work. carrie said to a sleepyheaded anna, "time to get up. the parade is starting."

anna rushed out of bed, into the bathroom, did her thing, walked out of the bathroom, laid down on the hardwood floor in the hallway outside the bathroom door. . .

and fell asleep.

five minutes later, carrie woke anna again, and asked her if she wanted to see the parade.

anna asked, "on tv?"

"yes," said carrie.

so off tootled anna to the couch to watch the parade.

i don't know whether anna remained awake through the parade. i guess i'll learn when i get home.

joy to the world

Merry Christmas to all, from Moira and Anna,
from Carrie, and from Jim, the bored stiff geek.

Click picture to see cool animation

best excuse for being late to work

reports of a stalled jetliner on 122nd at powell

twas the night before christmas somewhere in iraq

´twas the night before christmas, he lived all alone
in a one bedroom house made of plaster and stone.

i had come down the chimney with presents to give,
and to see just who in this home did live.

i looked all about, a strange sight i did see,
no tinsel, no presents, not even a tree.

no stocking by mantle, just boots filled with sand,
on the wall hung pictures of far distant lands.

with medals and badges, awards of all kind,
a sober thought came through my mind.

for this house was different, it was dark and dreary,
i found the home of a soldier, once i could see clearly.

the soldier lay sleeping, silent, alone,
curled up on the floor in this one bedroom home.

the face was so gentle, the room is such disorder,
not how i pictured a united states soldier.

was this the hero of whom i 'd just read?
curled up on a poncho, the floor for a bed?

i realized the families that i saw this night,
owed their lives to these soldiers who were willing to fight.

soon round the world, the children would play,
and grown-ups would celebrate a bright christmas day.

they all enjoyed freedom each month of the year,
because of the soldiers, like the one lying here.

i couldn't help wonder how many lay alone,
on a cold christmas eve in a land far from home.

the very thought brought a tear to my eye,
i dropped to my knees and started to cry.

the soldier awakened and i heard a rough voice,
"santa don't cry, this life is my choice;

i fight for freedom, i don't ask for more,
my life is my god, my country, my corps."

the soldier rolled over and drifted to sleep,
i couldn't control it i continued to weep.

i kept watch for hours, so silent and still
and we both shivered from the cold night's chill.

i didn't want to leave on that cold, dark night,
this guardian of honor so willing to fight.

then the soldier rolled over, with a voice soft and pure,
whispered, "carry on santa, it's christmas day, all is secure."

one look at my watch, and i knew he was right.
"merry christmas my friend, and to all a good night."

this poem was written
by a marine stationed in
okinawa, japan.
thanks to my cousin dpflynn
for emailing it to me.

spread it around.

i got my espn2 just in time

by a score of nil-nil and 4-3 on penalty kicks, the university of portland pilots edged the penn state nittany lions to advance to the championship round, to be played sunday.

star pilot striker christine sinclair (left) was held scoreless for the third straight game, so she'll need to kick a goal in the next game in order to set a new single-season scoring record of 38. no pressure, of course.

penn state star tiffany weimer, who scores an average of once for every three attempts on goal, was also held scoreless.

The real stars of the game were junior goalie cori alexander (right), who was stellar protecting the goal for the pilots, and penn state senior keeper erin mcleod, with 10 saves on goal.

so now it's on to face the ucla bruins. ucla hasn't seen an offense like portland's all year long, and the bruins have a five-game scoring streak of 25-nil coming into the finals, and they've shut out 17 of their last 19 ncaa tourney opponents. . .so it promises to be an exciting game.

you know where i'll be sunday--at home watching espn2!

pilots logo and photographs copyright ©2005 university of portland sports information office and americaneagle.com. used with permission. may not be reproduced or redistributed without the express written consent of the university of portland.

• • • • our first inductee• • • • into the• • • • bored stiff geeks• • • • hall of fame

carson williams has entirely too much time on his hands.
he must be a bored stiff geek.

click picture to see the ultimate christmas lights display.

thanks to realplayer.com,
members.cox.net,
and ifilm for this clip

intelligent design couldn't solve this math problem, part trois

source unknown