what a weird thing it is to marry off your mother

my mom got married yesterday. what a strange feeling you get when your mom pledges to spend the rest of her life with someone other than your dad, even though dad died ten years ago.

when first she told us about the engagement, my first reaction was "way to go, mom!"

then it sank in.

mom's getting married.

she's 75 years old, and getting married.

some other man is going to live with my mom.

oh, don't get me wrong, bob's a nice guy. mom couldn't have found anyone nicer. . .except my dad. there it was, that nagging feeling creeping in again.

but i got over it, and i find that bob's as nice a guy as my dad was. . .only in other ways, and that's the whole point.

i even committed a freudian slip at the reception. the photographer wanted a picture of everyone on mom's side of the family with the bride and groom, and i told my wife to get our kids for a picture with. . .wait for it. .
.mom and dad. she caught the slip before i did.

i must like the guy more than i was ready to admit.

welcome to the family, bob. hope your marriage is long and wonderful, and full of goodness and love. may you enjoy a truly ripe old age together, because 75 is young, and don't you forget it.

i love you, mom. may you live to 115 so that you have another 40-year marriage. if it's even half as good as the first time, it'll be a most wonderful marriage.

my hope for you is a most wonderful marriage.

watch your dam language

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan.This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response
letter.
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(State's letter)

SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files show that no permits have been issued.

Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel.

All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2003. Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

David L. Price District Representative Land and Water Management Division

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This is the actual response sent back:

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Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has ben handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring PondBeavers; or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through The Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern: Aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation, so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing flooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names. If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers, but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter--they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring PondBeavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams). So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention a real environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.

If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are not careful where they dump!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

Thank You,

Ryan DeVries & The Dam Beavers

i used to be a schizophrenic. . .

. . .but we're OK now.

random thought for the day

spooning leads to forking

five years

five years you've been here.

five years of giving your sister what-for, five years of smiles and laughter. five years of i-don't-know-what-i-would-have-done-differently, because you are my baby, my image, my sweet annie. . .

my life would be a wreck without you.

i love you, anna. happy birthday.

happy anniversary fr. vincent

fr. vince. what a guy. happy anniversary.

happy friggin' anniversary indeed

life here is still good.

it's been four years TODAY that i joined the rank and file of the lowest scum-of-the-earth known as CAR SALESMEN. still selling toyotas-mazdas-nissans-subarus-buicks-pontiacs-GMCtrucks in my spare time (all 50 hours a week. . .ack). keeping my options open. don't know if i will or can go back to full-fledged geekdom (i am so far behind the curve now, i don't think my old print shop could hire me to do the graphic design). happy anniversary indeed!

anyway, life is good, carrie and the girlz are great. they grow like weeds, the girls do. annie is four-years-eleven-months old now. moira is ten-years-nine-months. time flies.

must spend more time with them.

speaking of that, i'm off to see my girlz again.

ciao for now.

happy high explosives day (that'd be july 4).

this news out of washington really burns my flag

conservatives in the united states congress took up a motion yesterday to amend the constitution to ban flag burning.

but there's a twist. they are trying to get support from house liberals by telling them it'll reduce global warming.

four gentlemen of the apocalypse

BBC - Comedy Blog - Four Gentlemen of the Apocalypse

why did the chicken cross the road?

BBC - Comedy Blog - Cen Fath a Chuaigh an Sicin Trasna an Bhothair?

where did the time go?

seems like yesterday you were a ringbearer (translation: three-year-old stud in a tuxedo) in our wedding. today you are poised to kiss this popsicle stand called high school goodbye.

time flies.

be mindful of it. waste not a moment of it. squeeze every last drop out of it. but most of all. . .

enjoy it.

congratulations, ryan.

if you can't beat 'em, throw in the towel

Tue May 24, 1:52 PM ET (AP)
TUPELO, Miss. - A conservative Christian group has ended its boycott of the Walt Disney Co., launched nine years ago in response to what leaders perceived as the erosion of the company's squeaky-clean image.
"There are so many other issues we need to move on to and deal with that are taking our time and energy," American Family Association president Tim Wildmon wrote in a letter published Monday on the group's Web site. "If you're going to call for a boycott of a company - if something has become that serious - you need to have all your resources behind it."
The boycott had a limited impact. Disney has reported higher earnings, citing increased attendance at its theme parks and strong performance from its film studio and ABC television network.
The Tupelo-based Christian group has protested Disney's extension of benefits to domestic partners of gay employees, promotion of gay-related events at its theme parks and violent and sex-filled content of movies made by its Miramax subsidiary.
The group blamed longtime Disney chief executive Michael Eisner, and said some of the problems had been resolved by Eisner's upcoming retirement and the company's break with Miramax founders Bob and Harvey Weinstein.
Wildmon said the announcement is not an endorsement of Disney, just an end to the boycott "as a ministry agenda item."

it's a small world

the next time you are feeling small, here's a bug's eye view of the world to put it in perspective for you.


click picture for larger view

ready, aim, fire

i have to question the wisdom of issuing, to security guards who work at
target stores, badges with bullseyes on them which they wear over their
heart.

water, water everywhereand not a drop to drink

four-year-olds. aaaaaaaargh.

little anna was taking a bath yesterday, and she managed to flood the bathroom, the upstairs landing, and soak the carpet in her room and her sister's room.

just as i was walking in the door home from work.

carrie and i spent the next two hours frantically ripping up the hardwood floor, pulling carpets and carpet pads, wet-dry vacuuming the water up from the bathroom, soaking water up with every damn towel in the house.

i just laid that hardwood down. six hours' work ripped up in half an hour.

my legs hurt.

the guys from servicemaster came the next day to install dehumidifiers and "air movers" (industrial-strength fans) which are running 24/7.

let me give you a warning. if you ever have water soak your house, be prepared to listen to the din of the loudest jet plane cabin for three days.

happy bloody mother's day.

a birthday wish

you've been gone ten years. time flies.

we all miss you.

moira asks about you a lot more these days.

i wish you were still here. heck, you are still here as long as we think of you.

watch over us.

pray for us.

we love you.

happy birthday, dad.

how to scare the snot out of your four-year-old

we just got back from disneyland. hoo boy. what an adventure, traveling with a ten-year-old and a four-year-old.

six years ago, we took our ten-year-old (who was then four years old) to disneyland. she was scared out of her mind of most of the big rides, but she got a little thrill from the big thunder mountain railway. so i thought our four-year-old would enjoy it too.

think again.

after we got off the train, my four-year-old was pale as a ghost and shaking like a leaf. i thought she was going to pass out or throw up. fortunately she didn't.

she did enjoy (loose construction of the word) the haunted mansion, though.

my ten-year-old did finally get on splash mountain, the matterhorn, indiana jones adventure, and she rode the big thunder again. had a ball.

my four-year-old's favorite rides?

dumbo and small world. should have guessed.

it's a small enough worldwithout a song to drive you crazy(thanks a lot, walt disney!)

It's a world of laughter
A world of tears
It's a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There's so much that we share
That it's time we're aware
It's a small world after all

There is just one moon
And one golden sun
And a smile means
Friendship to every one
Though the mountains divide
And the oceans are wide
It's a small world after all

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small, small world

business is the sh*ts

a colleague of mine is starting a new business venture. . .buying, refining, processing for energy, and selling the leftovers of the leftover cow shit.

i smell something here, and it is not a rat. or a cow.

i smell money. the color of money is brown.

moooooove over tom cruise. show me the cow manure.

those who do not know historyare damned to repeat it

remember texas pacific group? the organization which is trying to buy pge?

remember texas pacific group?

remember texas pacific group? the organization which bought convergent?

remember texas pacific group, who mismanaged it into oblivion, closing all the offices and leaving jobless scores of people across the country?

what'll happen to pge if tpg buys it?

only history will tell.