it's amazing the stuff you find lying around the street these days.
28 May 2006
24 May 2006
call the fashion police
what is it with the kids and their fashions these days?
case in point: the pants they wear, you've seen 'em, black with the tassels and the zippers up and down the inseam and outseam, so baggy you could fit an elephant leg inside.
can you say parachute pants redux?
case in point: the pants they wear, you've seen 'em, black with the tassels and the zippers up and down the inseam and outseam, so baggy you could fit an elephant leg inside.
can you say parachute pants redux?
extreme football
word on the street is that when paul tagliabue retires in january as commissioner of the nfl, he will be replaced by none other than jeb bush.
no word yet who the nfl will invade first.
no word yet who the nfl will invade first.
source unknown
23 May 2006
speaking of new jersey
new regulations in the new jersey registry of motor vehicle's 2006 handbook:
turn signals will give away your next move. a confident new jersey driver avoids using them.
under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, because the space will be filled in by someone else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
the faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of getting hit.
warning! never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. no one expects it and it will result in your being rear-ended.
never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork, especially with pa, ny or del plates. with no insurance, the other operator probably has nothing to lose.
braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your abs kicks in, giving a vigorous foot massage as the brake pedal violently pulsates. for those of you without abs, it's a chance to strengthen your leg muscles.
never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. it's a good way to prepare other drivers entering the highway.
speed limits are arbitrary figures; given only as a suggestion and are not enforceable in new jersey during rush hour.
just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a new york driver flashing his high beams behind you can go faster in your spot.
always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. this is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.
learn to swerve abruptly without signaling. new jersey is the home of high-speed slalom-driving thanks to the department of public works, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them alert.
it is the tradition in new jersey to honk your horn at cars in front of you that do not move three milliseconds after the light turns green.
to avoid injury in the event of a collision or rollover, it is important for you to exit your vehicle through the windshield right away. wearing your seat-belt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.
remember that the goal of every new jersey driver is to get ahead of the pack by whatever means necessary.
in new jersey, 'flipping the bird' is considered a polite salute. this gesture should always be returned.
turn signals will give away your next move. a confident new jersey driver avoids using them.
under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, because the space will be filled in by someone else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
the faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of getting hit.
warning! never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. no one expects it and it will result in your being rear-ended.
never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork, especially with pa, ny or del plates. with no insurance, the other operator probably has nothing to lose.
braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your abs kicks in, giving a vigorous foot massage as the brake pedal violently pulsates. for those of you without abs, it's a chance to strengthen your leg muscles.
never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. it's a good way to prepare other drivers entering the highway.
speed limits are arbitrary figures; given only as a suggestion and are not enforceable in new jersey during rush hour.
just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a new york driver flashing his high beams behind you can go faster in your spot.
always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. this is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.
learn to swerve abruptly without signaling. new jersey is the home of high-speed slalom-driving thanks to the department of public works, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them alert.
it is the tradition in new jersey to honk your horn at cars in front of you that do not move three milliseconds after the light turns green.
to avoid injury in the event of a collision or rollover, it is important for you to exit your vehicle through the windshield right away. wearing your seat-belt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.
remember that the goal of every new jersey driver is to get ahead of the pack by whatever means necessary.
in new jersey, 'flipping the bird' is considered a polite salute. this gesture should always be returned.
21 May 2006
flash
bang
boom
we finally got our first really good thunderstorm of the season today.
a thunderstorm in oregon is usually a three-bangs-and-it's-over kind of affair, never lasting more than about twenty minutes.
this one went on for about an hour.
nothing, however, compares to summer thunderstorms on the east coast.
nor'easter on the new jersey shore. summer of 1987. that was a helluva storm. lasted for days, rain blew horizontally into my open window, woke me up at two in the morning. went out onto the screen porch and listened to thunderclaps in surround sound until the sun came up.
that was a thunderstorm.
boy, do i like this kind of weather.
a thunderstorm in oregon is usually a three-bangs-and-it's-over kind of affair, never lasting more than about twenty minutes.
this one went on for about an hour.
nothing, however, compares to summer thunderstorms on the east coast.
nor'easter on the new jersey shore. summer of 1987. that was a helluva storm. lasted for days, rain blew horizontally into my open window, woke me up at two in the morning. went out onto the screen porch and listened to thunderclaps in surround sound until the sun came up.
that was a thunderstorm.
boy, do i like this kind of weather.
20 April 2006
what's good for the goose
is good for the gander
with all the hubbub over illegal immigration and all the protests and demonstrations by mexican americans, legal immigrants and illegals alike--their chief complaint is that illegals in this country should be treated as felons--it should be noted:
the mexican government treats illegal immigrants to that country as felons, and imprisons them for up to two years.
one mexican man was fatally shot last year because the local mexican police thought he was an illegal because of the darkness of his skin.
he wasn't illegal. he was born there.
the mexican government treats illegal immigrants to that country as felons, and imprisons them for up to two years.
one mexican man was fatally shot last year because the local mexican police thought he was an illegal because of the darkness of his skin.
he wasn't illegal. he was born there.
source: abcnews
19 April 2006
thought du jour
no matter what ethical dilemmas you face
or what battles you fight every day,
you always have the right to choose
what you have for lunch.
-denny crane-
18 April 2006
seen on the north end of a southbound carsqueezed into a parking space fit for a motorcycle
you've seen 'em, maybe even have 'em yourself. it's called obstacle avoidance system or parking assist. basically it's sonar for the front and back bumpers of your car so that you don't scratch your precious paint, especially handy for those who are "parking space challenged" and who drive large cars with huge blind spots.
today i saw an obstacle avoidance system on a mini cooper.
what's up with that?
today i saw an obstacle avoidance system on a mini cooper.
what's up with that?
14 April 2006
men strike back
how many men does it take to open a beer?
none. it should be opened when she brings it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine
will probably never be able to support you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
why do women have smaller feet than men?
it's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to
stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
how do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
when she starts a sentence with "a man once told me..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
how do you fix a woman's watch?
you don't. there is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
why do men fart more than women?
because women can't shut up long enough
to build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
if your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at
the front door, who do you let in first?
the dog, of course. he'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
what's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
a woman who won't do what she's told.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
i married a miss right.
i just didn't know her first name was always.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
scientists have discovered a food that
diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
it's called wedding cake.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
why do men die before their wives?
they want to.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
women will never be equal to men until they can walk down
the street with a bald head and a beer gut,
and still think they are sexy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
in the beginning, god created the earth and rested.
then god created man and rested.
then god created woman.
since then, neither god nor man has rested.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------------
send this to a few good men who need a laugh
and to the select few women who can handle the truth !
none. it should be opened when she brings it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine
will probably never be able to support you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
why do women have smaller feet than men?
it's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to
stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
how do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
when she starts a sentence with "a man once told me..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
how do you fix a woman's watch?
you don't. there is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
why do men fart more than women?
because women can't shut up long enough
to build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
if your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at
the front door, who do you let in first?
the dog, of course. he'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
what's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
a woman who won't do what she's told.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
i married a miss right.
i just didn't know her first name was always.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
scientists have discovered a food that
diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
it's called wedding cake.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
why do men die before their wives?
they want to.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
women will never be equal to men until they can walk down
the street with a bald head and a beer gut,
and still think they are sexy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
in the beginning, god created the earth and rested.
then god created man and rested.
then god created woman.
since then, neither god nor man has rested.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------------
send this to a few good men who need a laugh
and to the select few women who can handle the truth !
13 April 2006
i am the new editur in cheef of gramer and speling
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid.
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm! Tihs is bcuseae the hamun mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh?
Yaeh, and I awlyas tohguht slpeling was ipmorantt.
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm! Tihs is bcuseae the hamun mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh?
Yaeh, and I awlyas tohguht slpeling was ipmorantt.
07 April 2006
a troubling development. . .
here are the final standings in the
ncaa rifle championships which were held march 10:
1 alaska fairbanks
2 nebraska
3 army
4 navy
5 murray state
ARMY scored third? these are the kids we're sending to the front lines?
yikes!
ncaa rifle championships which were held march 10:
1 alaska fairbanks
2 nebraska
3 army
4 navy
5 murray state
ARMY scored third? these are the kids we're sending to the front lines?
yikes!
04 April 2006
note to verizon wireless
my office is a cellular dead zone. you think you could do something about that?
03 April 2006
my life as a
mortgage account executive
day one
wow.
scripts to memorize, videos to watch, notes to take. . .all this information to cram in my head in the next three weeks!
ack
wish me luck.
scripts to memorize, videos to watch, notes to take. . .all this information to cram in my head in the next three weeks!
ack
wish me luck.
02 April 2006
voices inside my head, part deux
i wonder when the dreams about selling cars will end.
i know i start a new career tomorrow as a loan account executive for countrywide home loans. i suppose it's because i will miss the people at royal moore.
bill and tim i'll miss the most. thanks for the support and the friendship. i do feel a bit guilty about leaving you two in the lurch.
jason, for your support and encouragement, for believing in me, and for helping me get that fleet job (even though it was short-lived).
mike, for your support and friendship, and for driving me to become a better salesman, for your--shall we say--unique sense of humor, and our animated political discussions.
rick, for your fishing and hunting stories, your wild tales of salesmen and their misadventures in the car biz, for believing in me and my abilities, and for your support. sorry i didn't get a chance to say thanks and farewell face-to-face before i left.
todd and shawn, for your animated political diatribes, and for your support.
chris, for your wacky front porch rap. congrats on the wedding. hope vegas was a blast.
lacey, for your lovely smile and disposition. you could light up a room just by walking in.
peggy, for breaking all those fins.
connie, for your dry wit.
dana and sharon, for fielding all those endless questions about procedures and stuff while i was a mazda geek. i am sure i drove you crazy.
scott and ray, for handling all my technical queries with aplomb.
and the rest of you?
too many to name, too much to say.
i leave with a resounding (say it with me) THANK YOU!
i know i start a new career tomorrow as a loan account executive for countrywide home loans. i suppose it's because i will miss the people at royal moore.
bill and tim i'll miss the most. thanks for the support and the friendship. i do feel a bit guilty about leaving you two in the lurch.
jason, for your support and encouragement, for believing in me, and for helping me get that fleet job (even though it was short-lived).
mike, for your support and friendship, and for driving me to become a better salesman, for your--shall we say--unique sense of humor, and our animated political discussions.
rick, for your fishing and hunting stories, your wild tales of salesmen and their misadventures in the car biz, for believing in me and my abilities, and for your support. sorry i didn't get a chance to say thanks and farewell face-to-face before i left.
todd and shawn, for your animated political diatribes, and for your support.
chris, for your wacky front porch rap. congrats on the wedding. hope vegas was a blast.
lacey, for your lovely smile and disposition. you could light up a room just by walking in.
peggy, for breaking all those fins.
connie, for your dry wit.
dana and sharon, for fielding all those endless questions about procedures and stuff while i was a mazda geek. i am sure i drove you crazy.
scott and ray, for handling all my technical queries with aplomb.
and the rest of you?
too many to name, too much to say.
i leave with a resounding (say it with me) THANK YOU!
31 March 2006
and so an inning closes.
can't wait for the next inning to begin.
the end of my days as a transportation consultant (read car salesman) are upon me. tomorrow is it. i've accepted a position as an account executive with countrywide. i start monday. it's a whole new inning, and i'm looking forward to the first pitch.
wish me good luck and godspeed. i hope i don't need it, but it'll be nice to have them in my dugout.
wish me good luck and godspeed. i hope i don't need it, but it'll be nice to have them in my dugout.
30 March 2006
it's a small world, part deux
got a phone call at work last night from some guy looking for a car. i needed to call him back so I asked for his name and number.
mitch willett.
unusual spelling of that name. unusual name, that.
any relation to mark? asked i.
yup. he's my older brother.
i know mark and mike, but not mitch. . .but wait. . .i think his mom was pregnant with you when mark and i graduated from junior high!
that's me, said mitch.
wow. small world.
met mitch and his girlfriend shawna today. nice couple. they dated over the phone for months. here's to LDRs. sometimes they work. both of them are teachers--special ed (hats off to them for that. . .it's a calling.)
he looks like mike and sounds like mark. did some reminiscing. mom still lives in the same house in LO. mark and mike sell drugs. . .er, pharmaceutical sales reps they are. i forget now what matt does. mark married the girl he knew since the tender age of sixteen. been together 36 years! that's an accomplishment.
it's amazing how much catching up you can do in an hour.
the bonus: they even bought the car they were looking for.
nice meeting you, mitch and shawna. hope to see you and your family again soon.
mitch willett.
unusual spelling of that name. unusual name, that.
any relation to mark? asked i.
yup. he's my older brother.
i know mark and mike, but not mitch. . .but wait. . .i think his mom was pregnant with you when mark and i graduated from junior high!
that's me, said mitch.
wow. small world.
met mitch and his girlfriend shawna today. nice couple. they dated over the phone for months. here's to LDRs. sometimes they work. both of them are teachers--special ed (hats off to them for that. . .it's a calling.)
he looks like mike and sounds like mark. did some reminiscing. mom still lives in the same house in LO. mark and mike sell drugs. . .er, pharmaceutical sales reps they are. i forget now what matt does. mark married the girl he knew since the tender age of sixteen. been together 36 years! that's an accomplishment.
it's amazing how much catching up you can do in an hour.
the bonus: they even bought the car they were looking for.
nice meeting you, mitch and shawna. hope to see you and your family again soon.
19 March 2006
what would you do with a trillion?
you'd have to spend a million a day for a million days, but that'd take 2,739 years. if you live an average 77 years, you'd have to spend almost $35.6 million every day of your life, from birth to death.
that's a lotta cheese.
from cnn.com
10 March 2006
octicorn.com
06 February 2006
happy friggin' anniversary indeed, part deux
another february 6 has come and gone, and i am here at royal moore auto center 3 years now. my goodness, how time flies. seems like yesterday i was a geek, but then i got laid off twice in five months and started selling cars of all things to pay the bills. come june it'll be five years total, and three years today at this place.
and my kids are growing like weeds,
and moira will be a sixth-grader,
and anna will be a first-grader,
and
and
and
and time marches on.
happy anniversary.
and my kids are growing like weeds,
and moira will be a sixth-grader,
and anna will be a first-grader,
and
and
and
and time marches on.
happy anniversary.
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