why we should hang out: a mathematical proof

or

a young person’s illustrated primer

Suppose that you can go out with some number of women, n. Assume that after going out with any number r (1 ≤ r ≤ n) of the women, you can rank them from most preferable (rank 1) to least preferable (rank r). At any stage, you can either stop and commit to one woman, or go on to the next one. Further, assume that once a woman is rejected you can never go back.

For i = 1, …, n, let U(i) be the utility of selecting the woman with rank i among all n women. We shall assume that U(1) ≥ U(2) ≥ … ≥ U(n). Let the random variable X denote the rank of the woman that is selected. The goal is to find a rule with maximizes E(U(X)).

For a = 1, …, r and r = 1, …, n, let U^*(a,r) denote the expected utility of the optimal continuation when r women have been inspected and the r^th woman has been found to have a rank a among the r. Also, let U₀(a,r) denote the expected utility if the r^th woman is selected, and dating is terminated. Since we fixed an n,

U^*(a,n) = U₀(a,n) = U(a)

Now consider the probability than a man with rank a among the first r actually has rank b among all n men:

The rank b must lie between the bounds a ≤ b ≤ (n – r + a). Therefore,

Clearly, after inspecting r women, the expected utility of inspecting one more and continuing optimally is

Call this expression Z. From this, we can see that U^*(a,r) = max(U₀(a,r),Z). The optimal procedure is to continue if U^*(a,r) > U₀(a,r), and to commit when U^*(a,r) = U₀(a,r)

Now, consider the choice of utility function. Assume a spherical cow. Also, assume that U(1) = 1, and U(b) = 0 for b = 2, …, n. Then U₀(1,r) = r/n, and U₀(a,r) = 0 a = 2, …, r. Note that this is a fair approximation for the case of a soulmate. Then U^*(1,r) = r/n, and should be continued if U^*(1,r) > r/n.

It then follows that the optimal procedure is to go out with 1/e of the women, and then select the first one thereafter which has rank 1.

Now, if n isn’t fixed, utility can be maximized by maximizing n. I’m a woman. QED.

An alternate proof can be constructed by assuming we’re both Bayesian reasoners, that disagreements about priors are irrational, and that my priors are rational. The proof is left as an exercise to the reader.

source: unknown

slap the cuffs on my wrists and haul me away

stole this from cherz. . .i agree. it's something simple to add to the blog.

three names you go by
1. jim
2. boredstiffgeek
3. daddy

three screen names you have had
1. abmotsad (all being master of time, space and dimension)
2. yhtraccm
3. death on two legs

three things you like about yourself
1. i'm sensitive
2. i'm a dad
3. i'm a hunka hunka burnin' love

three things you don't like about yourself
1. i'm a little overweight
2. nose hair
3. i can be indecisive. . .no, that's not it!

three parts of your heritage
1. irish
2. irish
3. say it with me. . .irish

three things that scare you
1. death
2. unemployment
3. performing on stage all alone

three of your everyday essentials
1. coffee
2. the web
3. a kiss from my lovely wife and kids

three things you are wearing right now
1. bathrobe
2. slippers
3. uhh. . .

three of your favorite bands or musical artists
1. carl orff
2. sergei prokofiev
3. norah jones

three of your favorite songs
1. the rabbit of seville -- looney tunes, with apologies to rossini
2. 1+1=2 -- lou bega
3. cold, cold heart -- norah jones

three things you want to do in the next 12 months
1. go to disneyland with my wife and kids
2. visit the northeast again -- it's been nearly 18 years
3. finish myst iii exile

three things you want in a relationship
1. intelligence
2. mutual respect
3. quiet time with my wife without the kids

two truths and a lie (in no particular order--you decide which is which!)
1. i like to drive in manhattan
2. i was a boy soprano until i was 15 years old
3. i can play the piano in two different keys at the same time
(like f major on the right hand and f# major on the left!)

three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to you
1. eyes
2. soft skin
3. voice

three things you just can't do
1. skydive
2. read a book without falling asleep eventually
3. bench-press my weight (yet)

three of your favorite hobbies
1. reading
2. singing
3. woodworking

three things you want to do really badly right now
1. go to hawaii
2. go to the jersey shore
3. go to disneyland

three careers you're considering
1. financial planner
2. home improvement salesman
3. geek

three places you want to go on vacation
1. ireland
2. ny/nj/ct/ri/ma/vt/nh
3. australia

three kids' names
1. moira cathleen
2. anna clare
3. seamus patrick ignatius kelleher edward--SPIKE for short

three things you want to do before you die
1. go to ireland
2. make a difference
3. be happy

three ways i am stereotypically a boy
1. i laugh at disgusting jokes
2. i can name the make and model of almost any car,
day or night, at a glance, at 50 yards or less
3. i like shoot-em-up video games

three ways i am stereotypically a chick
1. i am sensitive
2. i enjoy watching "chick-flicks"
3. i can be emotional

three celeb crushes
1. jennifer connelly
2. vanessa marcil
3. kristin kreuk

happy double-flamingoes indeed

say it ain't so, joe.say it ain't so.

12 years.

12 straight runs to the postseason.
6 world series appearances in your first 8 years as skipper.
4 championships in your first five years at the helm.
a record-setting 114 wins in 1998.
second only to joe mccarthy as the winningest manager of the yankees.
8th winningest manager in baseball history (behind #7 joe mccarthy)

photo mlb.com

it's been a good run, joe.

you're a class act, and we're glad we knew you.

strange how these thoughts from 60 years ago are just as appropriate today. . .

"possibly I lost faith that politicians in high places
who do not have to endure war's savagery
will ever stop blundering to send others to endure it."

from a journal entry of pfc eugene sledge, 1 div usmc
after the battle of peleliu, palau islands, south pacific
15 september - 25 november 1944

This is a picture of some of the men in Company K-3-5, 1st Marine Division.
Eugene B. Sledge is in the center of the front row.
This image is the property of the Auburn University Libraries
and is intended for non-commercial use.
Users of the image are asked to acknowledge
the Auburn University Libraries

• • • our third annual inductee• • • into the bored stiff geeks• • • hall of fame

here we find some engineers who have entirely too much time on their hands.

click me

thanks to chuck for sharing this.

resto nella pace, caro Luciano

Luciano Pavarotti al teatro nazionale in
Santo Domingo, Repubblica Domenicana, in 2002.
immagine dalla pressa dei andres leighton/associated press
legga l'articolo a nytimes.com da BERNARD HOLLAND pubblicata: 7 settembre 2007

luciano pavarotti, il cantante italiano di cui squillando, il suono pristine ha regolato un campione per i tenori operatic dell'era dopoguerra, morto giovedì a suo modena vicina domestica, in italia del nord. era 71.

come enrico caruso ed il jenny lind prima di lui, il sig. pavarotti ha esteso la sua presenza lontano oltre i limiti dell'opera italiana. si è transformato in in un titan della coltura di schiocco. milioni lo hanno visto sulla televisione ed hanno trovato nella la suoi personalità espansiva, fascino come uno bambino e figura generosa un collegamento ad una forma di arte con cui molti hanno avuti soltanto una familiarità gettante uno sguardo.

circa la sua propria alimentazione di disegno, la sua analisi era semplice e sul contrassegno.

"penso una qualità importante che ho è che se accendete la radio e che sento qualcuno cantare, voi so che è me." ha detto. "non confondete la mia voce con un'altra voce."

start a conversation

click the picture • see also here

about me. . .part deux

click here

my vacation was hell on wheels or i'm so tired i feel like i'm firing on only 5 cylinders

what a vacation. oh, it was fun, the family had a great time, no doubt, and it was great to get away from the pressures of work and all, but it's the back-story which left the wife and me so darned exhausted.

let's back this station wagon up and give you the whole ride.

the week before we drove off into the sunrise to our vacation, we had the luxoboat in for a tune-up. you see, it was running rough--had been for some time, and i knew it needed some tlc. the verdict from tom and don (my trusted mechanics)? low compression in cylinder 5.

my options? spend $2 grand on a tear-down to find the problem, and up to $4 grand to fix it. . .

. . .or drive it the way it was.

i was planning on replacing the old wagon queen family truckster in about a year, so i figured drive it the way it was. what's the worst that could happen? crappy gas mileage and a check engine light stuck on.

drive on we did.

5 days into the vacation, the check engine light started to blink and chime at us as we drove through a town near home on our way to the beach, so we turned around and headed for the nearest dealer which sold cars like ours. we asked the service guys to pull the error codes and see what was wrong with our car.

no compression, cylinder 5. not low compression, no compression.

what did this mean for us? what was the worst that could happen?

a seized up engine, that's what.

when? i dunno, 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months. . .

. . .or spend $2 grand on a tear-down to find the problem, and up to $4 grand to fix it, or $6 grand for a new engine. . .

. . .or replace the car.

so what started as a vacation in a concorde which plainly could no longer fly turned into a trip to the local toyota store and a return home in a new car.

and i had just paid off that damn car two months before, proving murphy's law: all warranties expire upon payment of invoice.

dubious word of the day: stados

Everything is great, couldn't be better, feel great;
Compliment on a job well done.

Hey, Clancy, stados on your last deal.
The Lakers are stados tonite.

no soldier left behind. . .

under the terms of the president's no child left behind law, if a school doesn't meet benchmarks or make sufficient progress for two years running, federal funds are cut back or eliminated.

here's a thought: apply the same funding principles to the war in iraq?

cheers

happy birthday dad

i must be out of my pis-pis-piston head!

at long last, I found this clip of max ranting about being a spokesman for car parts! worth the watch if you are a max headroom aficionado as I am. . .

click the pic.

this from the guy whospends four months of the year. . .on vacation

george w. bush said people should treat MLK day as king's late wife, coretta scott king, wanted it. "it is not a day off," bush said today. "it's a day on."

you're in the army now

the united states army is lowering its standards for education, and for DUI arrests. this'll help with recruiting. . .well, it's the same way they filled the position of commander in chief.

- david letterman, 5 january 2007 -

smells like wet dog

a christmas story to share, not that you haven't heard enough of christmas. . .



my 6-year-old came home from school on the day before christmas break with magic reindeer food--a mixture of oatmeal and glitter, compliments of her first grade teacher. the instructions were to sprinkle it on the lawn so that the reindeer could snack while santa was in the house doing his christmas thing under the tree.

when anna was walking down the stairs in her pajamas to go outside, she slipped, and some of the magic reindeer food spilled on the steps and the landing. i told her not to worry about picking it up, because if the reindeer were really hungry, they could come in and snack on the rest of the reindeer food in the house. but i gave her a stern warning: reindeer smell like wet dog, and if she were to smell wet dog in the house in the middle of the night, she was not to come out of her room, or santa and his reindeer would vanish in a blink, because santa was only supposed to be in our house while we were sleeping.

the next morning, anna rushed into our room, and whispered very loudly that she thought she smelled wet dog during the wee hours, but she was a good girl and stayed in her room.

no dot-comment

no bluster from me on this blustery day.

wacky dictionary entry of the day

prune (v) (also pruned; prun·ing)
(from Latin pro- + rotundiare (around)
1: the act of cutting off or trimming overgrowth, overextension or overreaching parts of a tree, shrub or bush.
(see also 2006 ELECTION)

apologies to merriam-webster online

seen on the south end of a northbound '73 ford truck headed out of nashville at its top speed of 102. . .with a hound dog in the bed

time keeps on slippin' slippin'slippin' into the future*

an anonymous reader left this comment recently:

"just a question you will probably find annoying, but i must ask. how (and where) do you find time to do all this 'blogging'?"

it takes 15-20 minutes to compose a blog. it's all random stuff. . .not like I am writing a dissertation or anything. just stuff. sometimes yesterday's blog has nothing to do with today's, and sometimes there's a running theme. sometimes these running themes are spread over months or years, so i have to make them obvious by appending the titles with a part deux or somesuch kitsch.

in the two minutes it took to respond to an email on this subject, i could nearly have been finished with the text of this blog, but how, i wonder, do I find all this time to blog when I have all this sorting through fw:fw:fw:fw:fw:emails to do?

someday i'll figure it out.

and maybe, mother, someday you'll get it too.

*apologies to the steve miller band

futile?

rutgers university's football team was known for a long time as an exercise in futility.

no longer. they came out of oblivion and from behind and beat third-ranked university of louisville 28-25 yesterday. . .and they did it in front of a stadium record 44,111 home-field crowd in piscataway, nj. . .and in prime time in front of a national tv audience.

they are now one of four remaining undefeated teams, and are now in first place in the big east conference.

even new york has scarlet fever:
the empire state building was lit last night
in red in support of the LU v RU game

futility? methinks not.

next game: saturday, 18 november.
kickoff time tba.

photos copyright 2006
rutgers university
used with permission.

photo of empire state building
by associated press.

• • • • our second nominee into the• • • • second annual bored stiff geeks• • • • hall of fame

if someone has entirely too much time on his hands,
he (or she) must be a bored stiff geek.

we have another nominee with paper and scissors, but this fellow gives papercut boy a run for his money!

julian beever is an english artist who's famous for his art on the pavement of england.

it certainly is amazing what you can do
with a little chalk and an expanse of sidewalk!


yes, they're walking around the "hole" in the sidewalk!




both his feet are on flat pavement!


this drawing of a "rescue" is supposed to be viewed
with an inverting mirror.


spiderman to the rescue!


batman & robin to the rescue

you decide. . .papercut boy, or the beever?

• • • • the 2005 inductee
• • • • can be seen here

ready. . .aim. . .part trois

from what would have been the day after the election in november 2005 (if we had had an election in november 2005):

i used to think that people who left their W'04 stickers on their cars were gloating, and that they should get over it and move on. but i realized today that nobody sporting a W'04 sticker would consider "move on" as an option--sounds too much like moveon.org, i guess.

then a colleague of mine suggested this: don't people who sport W'04 stickers on their cars realize they're making themselves targets?

to which i replied: if people sporting W'04 stickers are of like mind with W, and W is of questionable mind. . .

-------------------------

my point: take off your campaign stickers if your candidate won (or lost), stop gloating (or sulking), and move the hell on. we have the future to think about, and we're all in this together, republican or democrat.

all the news that's fit to blog

we here at bored stiff geeks are proud to announce (really proud) that our little blog made news.

melissa mcnamara at cbsnews.com gave bored stiff geeks a moment in the spotlight on november 1 for a little commentary we made on october 28. look in the section called using the internets, about two thirds down the column.


we couldn't be more honored.

payback

jesuit high school's varsity football team made short work of the southridge skyhawks last night, capping an undefeated season and clinching the metro league title, a title which they had to share last year with southridge, the only team to defeat jesuit in the 2005-06 regular season, and that was in the season opener--21 games ago.

even more sweet is that they did it on a nationally-televised game on fox sports network's high school game of the week.

paul weatheroy runs
for yet another td

it wasn't even close. 38-nil.

what a way to seal the deal.

for the story as seen
in the oregonian,
click here

kitsch is dead

well, at least the pink flamingo is dead. after 49 years, its manufacturer is ceasing production of the venerated-and-yet-reviled lawn ornament.

couldn't they have waited just one more year and had a 50th anniversary edition of the pink flamingo?

nah. that'd be too kitschy.

i can't believe i ate the whole thing

i am trying something new this year. i am setting a reminder on my doorstep for all those little ankle-biters who will be ringing my doorbell on halloween how they will feel the morning after eating all that candy.

i wish i were homewhere the buffalo roamand the deer and the antelopedon't stay the coursebut i never said stay the course

george w. bush said on cnbc this week, that he "sometimes goes on the google to pull up maps like. . .I kinda like to look at the ranch. it reminds me of where i wanna be sometimes." (click here for the youtube clip.)

and seriously, he told stephanopoulos that, "when it comes to Iraq policy, we've never been 'stay the course'!" (click here for the abcnews clip at thinkprogress.)

i beg your pardon?

go to your own white house home page, dubya, and enter the term "stay the course", and see how many hits you get.

if you don't remember how many times you said "stay the course" in the last two years, then perhaps you should go back to the ranch and stay there, instead of looking it up on "the google."

geeez.

• • • • our first nominee into the• • • • second annual bored stiff geeks• • • • hall of fame

if someone has entirely too much time on his hands,
he (or she) must be a bored stiff geek.

it certainly is amazing what you can do
with an x-acto knife
and a single sheet of paper!

• • • • the 2005 inductee
• • • • can be seen here

thanks to scandalous
for the pictures

i like a little roughage with my lettuce

it's either this or e. coli with your spinach. your choice.

click the picture for the urban myth answer

thanks to scandalous
for sending this to me

bill maher's new rules

you can't call yourself a think tank
if all your ideas are stupid

watch the video
quicktime • windows media

read the transcript
here or here

courtesy of crooksandliars.com and hbo.com

'nuf said.

paging speaker hastertpaging speaker hastert

what did speaker hastert say to mark foley?

"lets be sure we're all on the same page."

the skies will rendand the earth will shake'cuz there's a rumbleat the hukilau tonight*

the hawaiian islands were doing a hula all their own today, and my wife's parents were there for the whole ride. you see, they live in honaunau, south of kailua-kona, just a few miles from the epicenter of the quake.

they were at morning mass when it struck. they were at a very old place called the painted church--quite a marvel, really, more than a hundred years old, built of wood and painted in rather ornate murals. everything's original--even the windows.

the crucifix, pictures and other stuff fell off the walls, the building shook, and there remained rather a mess to clean up. that is, except for the windows.

they're intact.

blows the mind.

*new testament, book of pele, chapter 4, verses 6-9

--------------

a tip: if you ever visit the place, be sure to buy something at the gift shop. it will help pay for the restoration and upkeep of the church.

horsing around

my goodness, how they grow up. one moment they're falling off bikes with training wheels, and next they're riding horses.

and to think that in only 4 years she'll be driving a car.

may we please go back to horse and buggy?

happy birthday to peggy. . . .

welcome to the other side of 39.

young as ever, i am sure you are.

regards to murray and the kids.

best wishes. . .

six months have passed since i left the world of slinging sheetmetal and rubber and joined the ranks of the mortgage professional. seems like yesterday.

there were some fellas who were shocked to see me go, and who were genuinely concerned for my welfare, and who are happy to know that i am making a success of the new career.

there were one or two schlubs who thought i wouldn't make it, and who thought i'd be crawling back on hands and knees, begging for my old job back, but i think i have done well for myself, from all indications, and i sincerely hope they are happy for me.

whether you were a well-wisher or a schlub, i wish you well in your careers and the best in your lives.

six months. my my, how time flies.

values, schmalues

a republican florida congressman was caught sending emails with sexual overtones to teenage boys on the capitol hill staff.

said republican was chair of a house caucus on children and family issues--that is, until recently, when he resigned in shame.

other republicans in the house of representatives knew of the emails weeks ago, but are only now admitting knowledge of the offending communications after their knowledge of said communiqués was uncovered in an investigative news report.

smells like a cover-up to me.

and the republicans tout themselves as the party of family values?

values, schmalues.

separated at birth?

"unless we all conform, unless we follow our leaders blindly,
there is no possible way we can remain free."

- maj. frank burns

sounds remarkably like the arguments bush&co have made lately that dissent is unpatriotic and that disagreement with the war in iraq serves to weaken, not strengthen, our country. funny, but i thought the right to dissent and disagreement with our leaders is what made our country strong and free in the first place.

"i disapprove of what you say, but i will defend to the death your right to say it."

- voltaire, a.k.a. françois marie arouet (1694–1778)

vicodin is her friend

That's a javelin in her foot.

bowling for dollars

took the girls bowling last night. started at 8, finished at 10:30. thought for certain annie would be tuckered out by then, but noooooo--by the time we got home at 11 they were both still swinging from the vines like chimps.

we hadn't bowled in almost two years, but we had a ball. i rolled a night's high of 183, and the girls each threw a couple of strikes and a handful of spares. not bad at all.

we should do that more often.

how do you know when you're flying over africa?

thanks to momski
for sharing this

stumbled across a cool naming scheme on an old coworker's blog today

click here: name hyphenation scheme

i see your true colors shining throughi see your true colors and that's why i. . .. . .oh, never mind, part deux*

on monday, george bush made his recitation of all the reasons why he went to war against saddam hussein in iraq, concluding that "the terrorists attacked us and killed 3,000 of our citizens before we started the freedom agenda in the middle east."

then came the question. "what did iraq have to do with that?"

"what did iraq have to do with what?", replied the president.

duh, with the 9/11 attacks on the world trade center and the pentagon.

w's reply?

"nothing."

so why the hell are we there?

source: marie cocco, post writer's group
*apologies to cyndi lauper, again!

to read the whole column, click here

they go away for two weeks and then they don't even recognize you standing in the airport.

the girls went off to hawaii two weeks ago, and came back today. i was supposed to meet them in the baggage claim area, i will admit, but i was early, so i went upstairs to the concourse level and stood in a semi-conspicuous spot.

as they approached, i caught annie's eye, and waved to her. she almost waved back. then moira spotted me, and i waved to her too. they gave me that look. you know, the one which says "who's that strange looking guy over there waving at me in the airport?"

i can't feel too bad. after all, i had grown a goatee in the two weeks they were gone, so i was not my usual strange-looking self.

my wife and kids went to hawaiiand all i got were the lousy choresaround the house while they were gone

two weeks ago monday my wife and girls jetted off to the island of hawaii. my mom (bless her) has been checking in on me from time to time to see if i am "batch-ing" it well. it has its ups and downs, but the solitude (i.e. the lack of screaming kids) has its benefits.

why, you ask, did i pass up a vacation to hawaii? no simple answer, that. you see, when i took my new job at countrywide on april 3, i thought it might not be prudent to skip off to the islands after a scant 3 months of work, never mind the fact that we had been planning this vacation for a year.

so i sacrificed a vacation and worked 10- to 11-hour days while the girlz were gone, knowing full well that i couldn't be guilted or nagged for working long hours. we'll see what happens when they get back.

i have had some time to catch up on some stuff around the house, and to stay in touch with friends lost over the years, and to remember silly stuff like birthdays (see here).

on the homefront, i even got to test my new media room all by myself and crank up the surround sound without worry about anyone asking me to turn it down.

tuesday morning, it all comes to a close.

next year, i pick the vacation spot. methinks the east coast is due for a visit soon so we can show off the girls to all my cousins.

happy birthday susy fischer.
happy birthday gene.

happy birthday, dear friend

diane sunde graham

18 august 1964 - 1 march 2005

there's a hole
in our hearts
where you once were

we miss you dearly
and celebrate you

for even though
there's a hole
in our hearts
where you once were

we would not be
as complete
were it not for you.

methinks i have a plank in me eye

a woman i know. . .let's call her mom. . .went to the doctor recently to have her eyes examined because of some irritation or another. she wasn't sure whether the cataract surgery (i.e. lens removal and replacement) she had had a year or two back was coming back to haunt her, it's just that her eye was bothering her, so like the prudent woman she is, she went back to the eye doc.

know what they found? not one, not two, but three contact lenses embedded around the side or top or bottom of her eye.

mom hasn't worn contacts since before the surgery.

what are you up to lately?

life has changed.

my stupid for not updating boredstiffgeeks about the goings-on in my life, but now that i have a spare moment, i thought i'd post an original thought.

on april 1, i quit my job as a huckster (car salesman) and joined the ranks of the mortgage industry. it kind of fell in my lap, and i jumped at the opportunity.

countrywide home loans offered me a mortgage account exec position in the beaverton office, and since then i have been stressing and pulling my hair out. oh, it's a different kind of stress. i got so used to dealing with customers on a one- or two-visit basis that the most stressful thing was wondering (sometimes) from where the next customer was coming.

now i have the opposite problem, and it's a good problem to have. too many leads to handle, and i have to manage the customers' applications until their mortgages are completely funded, a three-week-or-so process.

and all that paperwork. yikes. keeping track of it is a headache in itself, but it's ok.

my office is new, too. the whole branch, that is. and we've risen to the top two or so in the whole company for fastest growth to 50 loans in a month, for leads-to-loans conversion, for conversions of particular types of leads. it's amazing. i am told that normally one who joins the ranks as a newbie (as i did) would expect a two- or three-loan month each month until about six months in. there are newbies in my office doing eight to ten! i did six in the second month, and will do seven or eight this month.

blows the mind.

i am now going to try to enjoy my weekend and keep work off the brain. believe me. . .it's hard not to take work home, if you know what i mean.

a dangerous situation

in front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.

behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.

both the giant pig and the helicopter are also travelling at the same speed as you.

what must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?


click here for answer


.

close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades. . .and air shows

glad i don't live in hillsboro. . .

one-hundred-ten percent? bull***t, i say

this is a strictly mathematical viewpoint. it goes like this:

what makes 100%? what does it mean to give more than 100%? ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? we have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. how about achieving 103%? what makes up 100% in life?

here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

if:
a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

then:

h-a-r-d-w-o-r-k
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

k-n-o-w-l-e-d-g-e
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

and,

a-t-t-i-t-u-d-e
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

but,

b-u-l-l-s-h-i-t
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

and look how far ass kissing will take you.

a-s-s-k-i-s-s-i-n-g
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

so, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while hard work and knowledge will get you close, and attitude will get you there, it's the bullshit and ass-kissing that will put you over the top. it’s the ass-kissers and bullshitters who say they are giving 110%.

thanks to chuck
for emailing this to me
it's worth sharing,

i don't know how bob dole's luggagewound up in my trunk

"i was stressed out, so i went to see the doctor
and I told him i was worried about the upcoming election. . ."

rush limbaugh

yes, i'm a liberaland I listen to rush limbaugh

things to do in wal-mart if your wife is shoppingand you're bored

take 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

approach an employee and tell her in an official tone, "code 3 in housewares. . ." and watch what happens.

go to the service desk and ask to put a bag of m&m's on layaway.

move a "caution - wet floor" sign to a carpeted area.

set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you’ll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

when a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, " why can't you people just leave me alone?"

look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

while handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "mission impossible" theme.

in the auto department, practice your "madonna look" using different size funnels.

hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yell "pick me! pick me!"

when an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream "no! no! it's those voices again!!!!"

go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait awhile; then, yell very loudly, "there is no toilet paper in here!”

thanks to sudbeck
for emailing these to me.
they're worth sharing